At around midnight, when the wind was calm and the skies were clear, Troy, Wade, and I ventured outside to enjoy the cold, mountain air and stargaze. Above us, trillions of stars within hundreds of thousands of galaxies flickered like candlelight in the pitch-dark skies. Occasionally, in the far distance, a yelping coyote was heard. There were also a handful of strange, almost frightening animal noises I couldn't quite put my finger on. But, I felt completely safe and sound on the porch between my cousin and uncle, staring up at the beautiful sky above us. Whatever godforsaken creatures were out there, prowling in the darkness. They couldn't get to us. 

As I stared at the universe above, I found myself wondering where grandma and grandpa were. Obviously, I knew their bodies were buried six feet underneath God's country, just across the road from the farm they loved and cherished so much. Had my grandpa gotten his way, he and grandma would've been buried together on their land. But, grandma wanted to be buried at Trinity Lutheran church. So, that's where they now lied together. 

But, what about their souls? Where were their souls? Were they also resting with their bodies, as some sects of Christianity and Judaism believe. Waiting for the day God comes back to Earth and calls the dead to wake? Or, were their souls in the ether? Somewhere among those billions upon billions of galaxies? Or, perhaps, in a different realm beyond our three-dimensional universe? If so, was God also there with them? Had they seen the face of their Creator? Were they now spending eternity in His presence, waiting for everyone after them to join them? 

Better yet, where was God? I struggled (and still struggle) with the fact that God's somehow able to be with each and every person on earth, yet also be with each and every star and planet in the universe and beyond, and also be with the souls of the departed, simultaneously. Most Biblical writers believed in a flat earth, encased in a dome of sorts. The stars, in their eyes, were just little lanterns floating above the surface of the earth, that God put there. Beyond that were heavenly realms containing the souls of the dead. Never did they realize that the earth was actually an insignificant speck of rock in the grand scheme of things. Never did they realize that there was a measurement called "light years", and the universe was trillions of light years across. Never did they realize that there were thousands, perhaps even millions or billions or trillions, of earth-like planets theoretically able to support life just as (if not, more) intelligent as us. Never did they realize that God and the afterlife existed completely separate from the universe, if they exist at all (which, even on my best days, I wrestle with).

I wondered if/how Scripture would've been written had its authors known that those little lights in the night sky weren't just lanterns, but just a fraction of a fraction of the stars and galaxies found within the known universe. I wondered if they would've still thought God cared about us as much as they say He does, if they'd known that the nearest earth-like planet was a mere four lightyears away.

Again, I asked myself these things as I stood on that icy porch, silently enduring an existential crisis that, if not nipped in the bud, would eventually become a full-on freakout, "Where are you, Lord? Where's grandma and grandpa?"

Suddenly, in an inexplicable way, I felt someone approaching us from the dark. I didn't feel threatened. If anything, it was as though another family member had joined us on the porch that night. I shifted to my right a step, closer to my uncle Wade, giving whoever it was I felt a little more room to squeeze between me and Troy. But, there was no one. Just the warm, loving presence itself. 

For a single breath, I caught a faint whiff of roses, which instantly reminded me of my grandma Shirley and her love for white roses. Considering I was still soft from the events that transpired just an hour or so before, I once again struggled to hold back tears as I gazed over my left shoulder. My grandma wasn't there. Or, at least, I couldn't see her. But, I damn sure felt her, and smelled her beautiful white roses.

It was as though God had heard my prayer, and decided to answer it right away. Not only was He big enough to be with me and among the stars, but my grandma Shirley was still able to be with me in spirit. She was merely a prayer away. Again, I fought hard to keep my emotions under control, especially when I caught another whiff of grandma's white roses. 

Troy glanced over at me as I shivered a bit, and moved closer to help keep me a little warmer. Wade then draped his arm across my shoulders and dragged me into a side-hug, holding me there. Grandma's warm, loving, rosy presence remained, too. 

"I love ya, kiddo..." my uncle smiled, "We love havin' ya here."

I smiled slightly, "Love ya too."

"Quinn and I will be home for pretty much the whole rest of the year..." Troy trailed off, "You are more than welcome to come stay with us anytime you'd like. I would actually love some help with the animals, as Quinn and I will probably be pretty busy with the baby. We've got a donkey, some goats, some chickens, a dog, a couple steers. We also live on a bluff right above the Zumbro river, with a walkway headin' down to the water. In the evenings, the fish are really bitin'. I'll gladly go fishin' with ya every night." 

 "And, I also have a lot of cattle and chickens back on grandma and grandpa's farm." Wade said, "If- or maybe I should say- when you come down this summer, you can help with the calves again. Maybe even help butcher a chicken or two."

"Or five." Troy chuckled, "When ya come down again, we'll throw a huge party. I can have you blow up another old truck cab with tannerite if you'd like. Or, we can just keep it simple and have a little bonfire." 

"Obliterating a truck cab with tannerite sounds like a blast." I laughed, "Pun absolutely intended."

"Well, yeah. I showed ya that video of the boys doing just that, didn't I?" Wade asked, reaching for his phone. 

"Oh yeah." I nodded, "You sent it to me and everything."

"That was one hell of an explosion." Troy reminisced, "Just to warn ya, though. That shockwave was pretty intense. If I was ten yards closer, it would've probably destroyed my eardrums."

"Or knocked ya on your ass." I added. 

"Eh, I don't know about that." Troy said, "I'm pretty solid. You...on the other hand."

"Shut up." I playfully punched him, "I'm bigger and stronger than I look."

"Yeah, well you're still short and scrawny." Wade further teased, "But, that's alright. I'll catch ya when the 12-gauge knocks you down." 

"Haha. Thanks for the support." I rolled my eyes. 

"Anytime, Shrimp!" Troy grinned as he crushed his empty Busch Light can in his hand and dropped it into a nearby recycling container, "Let's get inside, warm up, and hit the hay. We've got an early start tomorrow. So many places to explore, so little time."