Note: Last week’s posts were pretty damn depressing. But, I feel ready to talk about the other side of the coin (assuming I have time). 

“Uhg! You wouldn’t believe what happened this past Friday!” one of the few high schoolers in my college class sighed as she sat down near her lab partners (who were also all college-attending high schoolers). 

“What?” one of her tablemates eagerly whispered as he leaned in. 

I too, tuned into their drama, curious to see what trouble they’d gotten themselves in that time. I’ll spare the boring details, as all of it was petty, high school valedictorian drama revolving around the gifted students’ apparent rivalries. Still, I felt envy rising up out of my soul, as I was drowning in grief, guilt, and anxiety while the students a table away from me were “struggling” with the fact that Becky got to read her essay in front of the class, even though her rivals didn’t think her essay was worthy compared to theirs. 

As I took my laptop out of my backpack, I silently mulled in my heart, “Oh, if only I had so little going on that I could’ve spent my high school days stressing over petty shit like that. Those kids have no idea…”, when, out of nowhere, a new thought came to mind. 

“Are you sure?” 

For a brief moment, I stood frozen  as I processed the question that my internal monologue had delivered. It felt like someone had lassoed my legs together and ripped them out from under me. But, it was the sharp remark I so desperately needed at that moment, as badly as it stung. 

While I couldn’t ponder on it immediately, the question remained in my mind, nagging at me from the back burner. I vowed to explore it as soon as class ended and I got back to my Xterra. But, at the moment, I knew I had to stop my eavesdropping, finish setting up for class, and get things done for the day (as usual). 

A couple hours later, I briskly left the college campus for the day, the sun shining through fair skies and a gentle breeze brushing across my face. It was a cool, mid-fall day: a perfect day for a hike. As always, I placed my backpack down in the backseat, clambered into the driver’s seat, and cautiously drove through the college campus and onto the highway towards home. 

It was while driving on the highway that I recalled the events and thoughts I experienced just before class began. I thought about what my younger valedictorian classmates were bickering about, and further reflected upon where I was when I was around their age. That, “Are you sure” question also came to mind, full-force, and I began to tackle it head-on as I often did with hard questions. 

When I was a senior in high school, I was genuinely baffled to even be a senior in high school. Let alone, holding A’s and B’s in all my classes (which Eric taught, so that probably explains the high grades), and still finding time and energy to properly take care of myself and spend some time out-and-about. I even got to go on a weekend pronghorn hunting trip, as well as visit with loved ones I otherwise wouldn’t have been able to visit had I not been able to take school with me on my laptop. 

Sure, life was far from perfect in those days. I had several health scares as a senior in high school (and just felt like shit in general), and my mom’s relationship with her soon-to-be-ex boyfriend was in shambles. Yet, I managed to press on, finish high school on-time with a very impressive GPA, and get on with life. 

Compared to what I heard from my younger classmates in college, my life seemed to be impossibly difficult when I was their age. Oftentimes, it was. But, it also wasn’t all bad. I mean, I got to spend the last couple years of high school at home, with an awesome teacher, surrounded by family and friends, and I had more time than ever before to just focus on staying alive and as healthy as I could. I also went on numerous adventures and learned many valuable lessons as a result of my physical and mental struggles. 

Could I trade that for a life so boring and devoid of struggle and adventure that I’d either live like Steve-O from Jackass, or base my whole identity and lifestyle on my ability to be a perfect teacher’s pet? Abso-fucking-lutely not!