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I am grateful for every day and second, I get the chance to live and breath on this good earth. And it is Good.

I was making a long drive for a doctor’s appointment a few weeks ago stopping at a drive through to pick up some coffee when I came across two homeless men. Whether I wanted to get them food out of the kindness of my own heart or whether I simply wanted to impress my girlfriend who I was talking to on the phone at the time I don’t know. But I saw something in one of the man’s eyes. He had a beard like me, but his eyes… there was something different. I have heard it said that sometimes you see the face of Jesus in others, while it sounds fanciful, this time I might agree.

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I’m in pain.

I have been living with chronic health conditions for a while now. There effects come and go, but as I get older, and take on more and more responsibilities it gets more and more difficult to manage them.

The latest in the long list is what appears to be Rheumatoid Arthritis. I wake up in the morning and I can barely move, literally.

 

I’m in my early twenties.

 

So, my question is not, “how do I get better” instead, “How do I still be a kind and generous person when it sometimes all my energy is spent on keeping myself alive?”

I don’t want to be the type of person to complain. I may secretly want people to feel sorry for me, but not really and not for long. I believe every person was created for a reason. I’m not talking about predestination, what I’m talking about is that I believe every person was created to serve and love one another.

But how do I give out of my poverty? Not monetary poverty, but physical poverty?

I have seen some people go through immense trauma and come out the other side a kinder, and more generous person. I have seen some one literally losing their own mind to Alzheimer’s and yet they had an intense desire to pray for and serve others (which they did).

So, the question, is not, “how do I get better” but, “how do I get better serving despite and with, my conditions, when the temptation to complain is oh so easy?”

My counselor and I had a really good conversation once, where he was like, "Yes Aaron, this sucks, and it’s terrible, but you have two choices: You can either sit there and complain about it, and let it immobilize you, or you can serve despite it and let God use it in your life. In other words, you can do nothing, or you can give out of the poverty of your own health, just like the widow gave all she had to the temple." Those were not his exact words, but that’s the gist, I think.

So that’s what I’m left with, that’s what I must do. It doesn’t mean I don’t still need to seek healing; I think it’s my duty of having a human body to do that, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t still help people.

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Living by Grace

My life right now feels as if it’s gotten very complicated all of a sudden. Family members are having health problems, I’m having my own health problems. I’m on the edge of a potential relationship, which is wonderful but time consuming and hard.  I also feel like I’m losing friends due to strained relationships with the pandemic. On top of that, I’ve been trying to take college classes and continue my goal to be self-sufficient and out on my own.

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(Fair warning I havn't really had time to edit this) 

 

Something has changed, I feel different.

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Sup Baby sister, I’ve heard things are a little rough for you these days

Life’s a little tough these days

I just wanted to let you know, that you are not alone

You’re braver than the world says you are,

You have a purpose far beyond the stars…

  1. Relating to Girls
  2. The Philosophy of Learning.
  3. I have the weirdest friends.
  4. Something I learned at VBS today