I’m in pain.

I have been living with chronic health conditions for a while now. There effects come and go, but as I get older, and take on more and more responsibilities it gets more and more difficult to manage them.

The latest in the long list is what appears to be Rheumatoid Arthritis. I wake up in the morning and I can barely move, literally.

I’m in my early twenties.

So, my question is not, “how do I get better” instead, “How do I still be a kind and generous person when it sometimes all my energy is spent on keeping myself alive?”

I don’t want to be the type of person to complain. I may secretly want people to feel sorry for me, but not really and not for long. I believe every person was created for a reason. I’m not talking about predestination, what I’m talking about is that I believe every person was created to serve and love one another.

But how do I give out of my poverty? Not monetary poverty, but physical poverty?

I have seen some people go through immense trauma and come out the other side a kinder, and more generous person. I have seen some one literally losing their own mind to Alzheimer’s and yet they had an intense desire to pray for and serve others (which they did).

So, the question, is not, “how do I get better” but, “how do I get better serving despite and with, my conditions, when the temptation to complain is oh so easy?”

My counselor and I had a really good conversation once, where he was like, "Yes Aaron, this sucks, and it’s terrible, but you have two choices: You can either sit there and complain about it, and let it immobilize you, or you can serve despite it and let God use it in your life. In other words, you can do nothing, or you can give out of the poverty of your own health, just like the widow gave all she had to the temple." Those were not his exact words, but that’s the gist, I think.

So that’s what I’m left with, that’s what I must do. It doesn’t mean I don’t still need to seek healing; I think it’s my duty of having a human body to do that, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t still help people.