On the night of December 18, 2021, I got the dreadful call.

"Grandma's gone..." my dad's voice croaked on the phone, "She passed in her sleep, surrounded by all of us. Figured I'd let you know..."

I took in a heavy sigh as tears began to stream down my cheeks, "Oh... Okay..."

Not much more was said. I just needed to be alone with my thoughts for awhile. Alone to process what I'd just been told.

Immediately after I hung up the phone, I began to pray, and I was quite angry at God. Once again, I began to ask Him all of the classic "why" questions. Why did she have to pass away so soon? Why did she have to die of cancer? Why did she have to suffer like she did? Why couldn't she have survived till Christmas? Why, why, why...

Of course, I kind of had answers to all of these questions. I just didn't like any of them. I hated the fact that my grandma died soon after grandpa. I hated the fact that she died suffering from cancer. I hated how everything had gone and was going. 2021 couldn't end soon enough! 

But, soon, my thoughts began to shift. I noticed the silver lining. Grandma passed away just as she wanted to: at home and surrounded by family. Her passing was also very fast. Not even four months before she died, she was carrying on with life as normal. She never once stepped foot in a care home or even ended up in the hospital. When the cancer was discovered, she immediately made the choice to pass away peacefully, and minimize the suffering using medication and at-home hospice care. And, she assured me, over and over again, that she wasn't in pain, that she knew where she'd be celebrating Christmas, and that she loved me and hoped I didn't cry over her passing too much. 

I just wished I could have some closure and soon, but with the holidays in full-swing, returning to the farm would have to wait. But, my dad was adamant that I didn't need to attend the funeral, but we'd return to the farm as soon as we could. 

"You did one of the most important things you will ever do..." my dad said before I hung up, "You visited and celebrated with her when she was still alive. You have no idea how grateful we all are that you did that."

"It was tough..." I sighed, "But, it was necessary..."

"That, it was." Dad agreed, "That, it was..."