Worse yet, during the first week of January 2021, a rabid mob of hate-filled insurrectionists broke into the US Capitol in a desperate attempt to keep president Cheeto in office for another term. The majority of them claimed to be Christian. They claimed to worship the same God I did, and had bum-rushed the Capitol in His name. 

Needless to say, I was deeply appalled more than anything. Watching the raw footage of the incident plastered all over the internet, I felt seriously sick to my stomach. As I watched the violent mob lay siege on my nation's Capitol, only to be more or less told by the still-sitting president that he loved them and the election was still stolen from them, I swear I could physically feel my heart shattering.

Even my faith in God seemed to be crumbling once again, this time at light speed. After all, the terrorists who attacked our nation's Capitol mostly called themselves Christians. Some of them charged into the building bearing giant wooden crosses and Christian flags. Once gathered on the Senate floor, they prayed. Not to Allah. Not to Buddha. Not to Odin or Zeus. Not to the flying spaghetti monster. But to Yaweh; the God of the Bible. The same God that I prayed to day and night. 

Not only that, but most of my Christian family members were staunch, fervent Trump supporters, and many of them unfortunately fell for the lie that the election was fraudulent. However, to their credit, even the most loyal Trumpists in my family condemned the violence at the Capitol. Still, their condemnation of the attempted coup and "law and order" chants were meaningless, empty words to my ears, especially since they likely still think Trump was literally ordained by God to serve as the 45th president, and millions of votes cast in the 2020 election were illegitimate. 

I couldn't (and still can't) fathom how a deeply devout Christian could support such a man as Trump, or hold to his anti-immigrant, anti-welfare, anti-healthcare, anti-LGTQ+, anti-women policies. I couldn't (and still can't) understand how one can call themselves a Christian and support such damaging, un-Christlike political policies. After all, did Christ not feed the 5,000 with no questions asked, or did He vet everyone who came to get their share to make sure they actually needed it? Did Christ look upon the sick and suffering with disdain and tell them to "just work harder", or did He take care of their needs? Did Jesus not command His followers to "turn the other cheek" and warned that whoever lived by the sword (or gun) would die by it? Did Christ lead a violent revolution against the tyrannous government that crucified Him, or did He arrive in Jerusalem on a donkey as docile as a lamb, and condemn the disciple that sliced the ear off one of His persecutors? 

At least, based on my readings of Scripture in both the Old and New Testaments, the personality of God was vastly contradictory than the bloodthirsty Christian right that rallied around Trump and rammed their way into the US Capitol chanting, "Hang Mike Pence!" Yet, nearly every single Christian in my family, aside from my mother and a few distant relatives, were unwavering supporters of Trump, even after their side's violet assault on the Capitol. They spoke of peace, love, acceptance, life, and mercy from one side of their mouth, and from the other spouted all sorts of fear-mongering lies and nonsense about immigrants, homosexuals, liberals, women's rights, Palestinians, and the pandemic. 

Even the president tweeted several hours after the attack began, "These are the things and events that happen when a sacred landslide election victory is so unceremoniously & viciously stripped away from great patriots who have been badly & unfairly treated for so long. Go home with love & in peace. Remember this day forever!"

I still can't process how a sitting president could say such a thing after such a horrific, violent attack on our nation. 

Despite what I knew about God strictly from Scripture, I wasn't so sure anymore if I wanted to be associated with Him due to the behavior and beliefs of so many of His disciples. Hell, I even took down my American flags for a time, and (as ridiculous as this sounds) pondered moving in with my Canadian siblings and rescinding my citizenship of the USA. My country and my faith were in shambles, and I simply lacked the skills to cope with any of it. I was ashamed to call myself an American. I was ashamed to call myself a Christian. I couldn't even begin to fathom how my God and country began to look so much like 1938 Germany. Even now, I can't figure out where or how so much shit went wrong. It still gives me a headache to think about. 

But, to my astonishment, our elected leaders returned to the Capitol to finish what they were there to do. At least, once Nancy Pelosi and Mike Pence called in the military to get things under control (which Trump failed to do at all). At almost four in the fucking morning after the assault on the Capitol, Congress finalized the presidential election, declaring Biden as the 46th president of the United States of America without an atom of doubt. Trump tried and failed to lie his way into the Oval Office for a second presidential term. His supporters tried and failed to prevent democracy from prevailing, first in the courts, then by force. As harrowing as January 6th, 2021 was for the country, the world, and for many people's spiritual faiths and family relationships (including my own), We the People were victorious yet again. 

America, fuck yeah!