I understand I still need help and guidance in life. I’m nineteen after all. What the fuck does a nineteen-year-old know? I’m aware that don’t really know shit. I only just figured out I’m probably destined to pursue writing as a career, when it’s been glaringly obvious to everyone else around me. However, that doesn’t mean I’m totally helpless and incapable of making intelligent, adult decisions. 

I’m doing just fine right now, and I have the final say when it comes to my healthcare, what college I’m going to attend and what I will major in once there, what vehicle I want to drive, what I do with my time and money, and other stuff like that. I’m also navigating through the pandemic just fine. I have no desire to get sick, and have been listening to the science regarding covid-19 very closely. I just hope and pray that my relatives will see me doing “adulty” stuff, and finally realize that I’m not just some helpless, idiotic little girl. But, I can only hope. 

I’m not quite sure what will happen once quarantine ends, and we’ll be allowed to see our loved ones again. We’ll still be tethered to Colorado since Mom will rent out all four of her Colorado homes, and we will still have family and close friends out there. Perhaps, we’ll move back to Colorado and I’ll attend Arapahoe Community College. Or, maybe we’ll realize we really like Washington, and I’ll attend college there. Whatever happens, I’ll be okay. Colorado will never be further than a three hour flight away. According to Mom, I can fly to Colorado whenever I want after I get vaccinated for covid-19. By then, Dad should have my old YJ ready for the road, since I won’t be able to rent a car until I turn twenty-five. 

It’s not like I’ll forever be trapped in Washington. I’ll be sure to come back to Colorado frequently, and pay everyone I know and love a visit. 

But, for now, I’m unable to see anyone until the pandemic ends, no matter where I am. I’ll just go along with whatever my mom does, which at times feels like a bull ride, only I’m not actually riding the bull. I’m hung up in the ropes, but the bull keeps bucking and I’m just helplessly stuck to it. I know my mom wants the best for all three of us. While I don’t fully understand the method to her madness, it seems like things will turn out alright regardless of what happens. They always do. I just won’t know how well they’ll turn out, and what bumps there will be along the way, or what is even happening, until it happens. 

Moving to Washington will certainly be daunting. But, I’ve prayed about it, and I feel at peace about it. If this was the wrong thing to do, I don’t think God would allow us to feel at peace about it, nor would it seem like things have been set up at just the right moments to make a move to Washington a more feasible option than remaining in Colorado. When moving to Washington was just one of my mom’s many crazy, fleeting ideas, I was very hostile towards it because it terrified me, and I didn't think we were ready. I thought it would turn out to be a hellish shitshow, like our vacations to Washington often turned out to be. However, that was before I got my driver’s license, became much more responsible and independent, and developed a firm, stable faith in God. That was also long before a person on the opposite side of the world ate the wrong bat.

These days, I no longer think living in Washington will be terrible. If anything, it will be a wonderful and exhilarating adventure. It seems like everyone's needs will be met in the best possible way. Jack will have the support he needs that his dad (Clarke) hasn't really been around to provide him, thanks to the family out there. Mom will have the support she needs to keep a roof over our heads, even if the economy goes to shit like never before, resulting in Mom having to cover for the mortgages of all five of her houses (believe it or not, most landlords are not evil, rich people who do nothing but leech off their tenants). And, it looks like I'll have plenty to do while I ride this pandemic out, which will help me safely maintain my mental and physical health as best as I can.