Note: Here’s a little piece about the current state of my faith. I’m hesitant to add anything God-related to my memoir, but I still enjoy writing about these things. So, anything more faith-related will end up in my blog. 

On Thursday, I had to go to the hospital for an in-person check-up after my home spirometer (which was supposed to be extremely accurate) said I had a lung function of only 82%, which was well below my previous baseline of 118%. I was certain it wasn’t working, because I wasn’t sick or having trouble breathing. As far as I knew, I was still very healthy. Regardless, my doctors wanted to see me to make sure I wasn’t sick and to calibrate my home spirometer if my PFT’s using the hospital’s equipment were very different than what my little spirometer was saying.

Things were very different at the hospital than they were prior to the pandemic. The moment Dad and I drove up to the hospital doors, a couple nurses in masks and gowns came to our car to screen us for covid-19 symptoms. They took our temperatures and asked us a series of questions, before ushering us into the hospital to get checked in. Once I had checked into the hospital, I was again ushered into an isolated room by myself instead of into the main waiting room. A few minutes later, a nurse came in to check my vitals, which were better than usual. And, a few minutes after that, a nurse came in to take my PFTs. 

In order to do my PFTs, I had to go into a negative-pressure room so I wouldn’t spread my nasty lung germs to anyone else. Unfortunately, that meant I had to go up to the second floor of the hospital where all the covid-19 patients were brought to before being admitted. Obviously, I wasn’t very pleased about that, but the nurse assured me the covid ward was safe. 

Everyone was wearing masks, the doors to the covid patient rooms were tightly closed and sealed at all times, and the air was constantly being filtered through anti-viral filtration systems, and also constantly being replaced by outside air to keep it fresh. It was virtually impossible for me to get sick with covid in that ward, so long as I didn’t enter a patient’s room and let them cough in my face. 

Knowing this, I was still nervous, but it was enough to get me to follow the nurse to the second floor. Up there, I only saw a couple of doctors in the hallway wearing full hazmat suits. I kind of hesitated when I saw them, but I forced myself to rush past them behind the nurse. I kept my head low and focused on my nurse’s pink tennis shoes, instead of focusing on the doctors or the doors they stood in front of. 

I didn’t look up from the floor until I was inside a little room with my nurse. Once she closed and sealed the door, she instructed me to take off my mask and get ready to do some PFT’s. I picked up the spirometer and followed my nurse’s instructions. My first set of PFT’s were impressive! My FEV1 was between 118%-125%! Obviously, I wasn’t sick. My home spirometer just needed to be calibrated, which the nurse helped me with. I felt like the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders when I found out that my lungs weren’t struggling at all. I was healthier than I’ve ever been before! 

My nurse printed out my results, then asked if I knew my way back to my room. I did. Knowing I was so healthy, I felt confident walking down the covid-19 ward alone. However, as I was walking down that hallway, my confidence shattered when I heard someone having a nasty coughing fit behind one of the many closed doors. Like a spooked deer, I high-tailed it into the stairwell. Inside the stairwell, I paused to scrub my hands and arms with hand sanitizer. But, as I did so, I felt my fear being replaced by indescribable rage. I was pissed that people were suffering so badly just feet away from me. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t just. 

My first instinct was to pin the blame on God, as I’ve done so many times before. After all, what all-loving, all-powerful God would allow such suffering? I stormed down the stairs cursing God under my breath, accusing Him of either being malevolent or weak, because He couldn’t be benevolent and all-powerful and still allow things like covid-19 to ravage the world. I left the stairwell on the main floor and headed down the hallway towards the main waiting room, which I’d have to go through to make it to my little isolated room where my dad was waiting for me. 

As I headed into the waiting room, I saw two people, a man and a woman, wearing MAGA hats and masks that read “TYRANNY” in large, bold letters. The woman wore a diamond cross necklace. It was a truly comical sight. But, right as I was chuckling to myself, I realized something. This pandemic wasn’t a God issue. It was a human issue.

We had all the resources we could possibly ask for to stop covid-19 from spreading. If everyone had complied with the shutdowns at the start, and the government had done its job providing for the country so we could remain shut down, we would’ve been almost completely covid-19 free by the summer. Instead, human selfishness got the better of a large portion of the population (the population that claims to be the most Christian) and infiltrated the government (which is currently run by an administration the vast majority of American evangelicals voted for) leading to our current mess. 

On top of that, people were using their free will to do shitty things. Whether or not we have strict laws in place doesn’t matter. People in the States have been protesting in large crowds against social distancing and mask mandates, just like people in Australia and Canada have been. Only real difference between us and them are the laws. Canada and Australia arrested as many of the demonstrators as they could. In the States, we have no such laws in most places prohibiting large gatherings. However, we do have laws in most places that force people to wear masks inside public spaces. Yet, that hasn’t stopped people from finding loopholes, and then making a scene if/when they’re caught. 

This clearly shows that no matter what, selfish people will do selfish things. In this case, people have been selfishly spreading covid-19, which has undoubtedly caused many people to be hospitalized and die that otherwise wouldn’t have ended up sick and dead. It doesn’t matter if there are laws in place “forcing” people to comply with public health guidelines. It doesn’t matter if millions of Christians tell millions of other Christians to quit being selfish, whiny pricks and put on the damn mask. Hell, it wouldn’t matter if God Himself descended from the heavens and told all of us to wear masks and physically distance ourselves from each other. Selfish people will continue to be selfish, regardless of what God or gods or lack thereof they follow, resulting in thousands and millions of deaths that could’ve been prevented. 

Selfishness is the root of all that is wrong with the world.