By the time I came to that conclusion, I was back in the little room with my dad, waiting for my main doctor to come in. I was deeply disturbed by what I’d heard in the covid ward, what I’d seen in the waiting room, and what I was now coming to realize about how evil selfishness truly was, and how so many so-called Christians (a handful of whom I know and love) were selfishly defying science. In fact, even when the doctor came in, I was too preoccupied with that realization to really hear what she was telling me. Thankfully, Dad was in the room with me, so he was able to catch things that I didn’t. According to him and what little stuck in my mind, it was all great news, and I was sent home without anything more to do than what I was already doing. 

When I got home that afternoon, I went into the house through the garage so I could get into the shower without alerting the dogs (dogs are known to be carriers of covid-19, and I didn’t want to give them a chance to get someone else sick with covid-19, if I had the virus on my clothes or something). In the shower, I continued to ponder the infinite selfishness of people, including those in my own family who claimed to be devout Christians. The more I chewed on it, the more disturbing it got. 

The people who went to church the most often, claimed to love the most people, gave the most to charity, and never said a bad word, were the same people who were proudly defying mask orders by lying about having a medical condition that prevents them from wearing a mask, attending large, maskless gatherings then boasting about it on social media (I’ve only found this out through my mom. If I still had social media, I would’ve been disowned by half of my family by now), going to church in-person with almost a hundred senior citizens, and saying anyone who wasn’t defying science was a coward and clearly had no faith in God. They didn’t just say these things online. Some of my own family members had the audacity to question mine and my mom’s faith in God to our faces, or over the phone. All because we’d rather be safe than sorry. 

Now, I hate to question others’ faith in God, but how am I supposed to call someone a brother or sister in Christ, when they continually do and say things that are the very opposite of what Christianity teaches, time and time again without remorse? How am I supposed to react when those same people have the audacity to ask myself or others, “Are you really a Christian, coward?” 

To be honest, I’m not yet sure. I spent the last several days studying scripture and meditating in prayer in search of answers, but I haven’t really gotten any yet. So far, I feel like I just need to back down, to turn the other cheek, and to love and pray for those who have been acting selfishly and like they're the true Christians, because they aren't afraid of a virus. That, and I need to continue to focus on God and God alone. After all, I’m still young in the faith. It’s not my job to argue with people who can proudly say they’ve been a Christian for decades longer than I’ve been alive, therefore, I know nothing and they know everything. It’s not my job to make people do what is right. If I try that (and believe me, I’ve tried to reason with my rebellious, unreasonable family members), it’ll be like throwing peals to pigs as Matthew 7:6 says. 

Some people simply can’t be reasoned with and can only learn the hard way. It sucks, but that’s just the reality of human nature. There’s a reason why we must be sanctified before we can spend eternity with Christ.