Note: Guess who has writer's block again!

The winds of change are howling once again. Well, they have been this whole year. But, now huge, mostly positive changes are imminent. This fall (perhaps as early as late September), Mom, Jack, the dogs, and I will be moving to Washington state. Mom’s been wanting to expand her real estate outside of Colorado for a couple of years now, but I never expected to move over a thousand miles away from home. 

Mom wanted to move to Utah for awhile, but that fell through just before we were set to move there. That thankfully means we won’t have to pack much, since we did most of the packing last year when we anticipated moving to Utah. Bad news is, we likely won’t hire a moving company due to current circumstances (God only knows where those burly moving dudes have been). Also, our Washington house will be considerably smaller than our current house in Ken Caryl, so we’re gonna have to downsize quite a bit. Good news is, we already got rid of most of our useless shit in January when I was going wild on Trikafta. Bad news is, we’ll have to give up even more, including some things that will be hard to let go, like my beautiful midcentury piano my grandpa got for me when I was a little girl.

Since we likely won’t be hiring a moving company, we’ll get rid of all of our furniture and buy new stuff for the house in Washington. I’ve got lots of money saved up, so I’ll probably buy an expensive, much more portable keyboard piano for myself when we get to Washington (if you can’t already tell, I miss playing the piano and the guitar very much). Mom also plans on getting rid of her Rav4. There’s no point in paying for two vehicles right now. We don’t really go anywhere, and we won’t be going anywhere in Washington. Covid-19 kind of wrecked all of our plans. When this ridiculous shitshow ends, Mom will buy another car (which will likely be something cute if we stay in Washington where there’s hardly any snow), and I’ll no longer have to share my Xterra.

As depressing and upsetting this pandemic has been for everyone, there is a silver lining. Living in Washington over the fall and winter will be no different than living in Colorado for us. We won’t be able to visit with friends or relatives at all in Colorado or Washington, especially since most of my loved ones are unfortunately very stubborn people who think they can get away with taking a few unnecessary risks here and there. I’m not willing to put myself at risk, no matter how much I miss my family. We’ll get back together again once we all get the Mark of the Beast injected into our shoulders. 

This fact makes the move to Washington much easier for me to cope with. I do and will miss my Colorado friends and family. But, perhaps the move to Washington will keep me from feeling too sad about it. I’ll be doing a lot of exploring over the fall and winter in Washington. If we just stayed home on the Front Range, I wouldn’t have many places to go. I’ve already explored most of what Colorado’s got to offer. It wouldn’t be nearly as fun or exciting. However, I haven’t explored much of Washington state, even though I’ve been there plenty of times before. I spent most of my time in Washington hiding from my excessively affectionate distant relatives, and homesick to the point of being nauseous. This time, it will be much different. 

We’ll be living somewhere by Gig Harbor and Fox Island. I’m not quite sure if we’ll be on the island or the harbor. Mom has been using the two places interchangeably. I already know the house we’ll be moving into. Mom’s cousin, Tracy, sold her house to Mom. She will be moving into a bigger house nearby to suit her growing family, while my little crew moves into Tracy’s old house (by the way, Tracy has a PhD in Psychology, so she has never taken my introversion as a personal insult. She actually likes my introverted nature. I really enjoy being with Tracy, and look forward to seeing her and her family much more often). 

I’ve stayed at that house a few nights over the years. It’s older and rather small (three bedrooms, two bathrooms, an open floorplan downstairs with a sunroom added onto the house a few decades after it was built), but Tracy got it renovated to look much more modern when she first moved into it. I’ll have a small bedroom upstairs, but if I really need to escape, I can just go outside. It’s sort of rural, on a tall, steep hill on about an acre of land, surrounded by massive trees. If the woods weren’t so thick, and the houses weren’t so sparse, I would have a better idea where our house is on the map. I suspect it’s on the island, because I recall driving over a few huge draw bridges across the Puget Sound to get there. 

We’ll be very close to the beach of Puget Sound. The sound is quite different than the open ocean. From the shore, the sound looks a lot like the Great Lakes in the midwest. The waters are usually calm, unless it’s windy. The waves are entirely wind-driven. However, the sound is affected by the tide cycle, since it is still the ocean. And, obviously, the water in the Puget Sound is salt water. That means I plan on getting back into the water again, wearing a thick wetsuit. The cold water in the sound never freezes, and the temperature of the water doesn’t really change (hell, the weather stays relatively the same year-round in Washington too), so I can swim in it all year round. 

I never truly lost interest in swimming. I just kept getting sick each time I swam in fresh water, and especially in public swimming pools (which, come to think of it, are fucking disgusting). The illness that I got after swimming in fresh water was what killed my desire to swim in it. However, I never lost my love for swimming in the ocean. 

I grew up snorkeling in Florida, California, Los Cabos, Mexico, Connecticut, and in the shark tank at the Denver Aquarium (the sharks at the aquarium are well-fed, so they pose little risk to those who pay 120 bucks to swim with them for an hour), and fell in love with it. I love the smell and the taste of salt water, as well as the way it feels on my skin and holds me up on the surface. The best part about swimming (and fishing) in the ocean, is the diversity of the sealife below the water’s glassy surface. 

The Puget Sound is home to all sorts of interesting creatures. Harbor seals and otters can often be found sunning themselves on rocky peninsulas, barking and yelping at the top of their lungs. Seagulls, Ospreys, Loons, Bald Eagles, and Pelicans are a common sight in western Washington, my favorite being the Bald Eagle (‘Merica, fuck yeah!). There are numerous songbirds that make their homes in western Washington’s lush rainforests. There are also plenty of deer, elk, moose, bears, and even wolves. However, there’s a much more fascinating world hidden under the cold waters of the sound itself. 

Ocean life is unlike anything else. It’s alien and freaky, yet it’s absolutely magnificent. I don’t think there are words to express how much I cherish and admire God’s wonderful underwater creations, no matter how weird they are. God really got creative with the sealife. 

Orcas, Grey whales, and Humpback whales are known to frequently swim through the Puget Sound, especially during the migration season. Orcas love to eat seals (which gives them their name “Killer Whale”), but they are friendly and even affectionate towards humans, including towards those who are in wetsuits, whom seals often mistake for other seals. That, to me, suggests that orcas are extremely intelligent, as are other porpoises and whales. That’s yet another nail in the coffin of literal creationism, but I’ll save that for another day. 

There are lots and lots of reefs and reef fish in the Puget Sound too. I’ve seen a few of the reefs from the safety of a kayak, and I look forward to seeing them with my snorkeling gear. They’re breathtakingly beautiful, even from the surface. All sorts of colorful reef creatures call the Puget Sound home. My favorites include the Wolf Eel, Brown Catshark, and the Lion’s Mane Jellyfish. 

I actually caught a Lion’s Mane Jellyfish while I was fishing from a kayak before. The Puget Sound has a lot of jellyfish, none of which are particularly harmful towards humans, although they do sting. Thankfully, it was easy to get the lure out of the jellyfish that I caught without getting stung, since it didn’t snag by the tentacles. Once I got it out, the jellyfish went back to doing whatever jellyfish do. It was a very interesting encounter. 

Of course, where there’s water, there’s fishing to do. I’ll have to get bigger fishing poles and thicker fishing lines to go fishing from a boat. However, I’ll do lots of fishing from the shore with what I currently have. There, I could catch bass and salmon, which are known as euryhaline species, since they can live both in salt and fresh water. I might also catch Seaperch, which are limited to the salt water but are just as delicious as salmon and bass. During low tide, I could scavenge the wet beach for oysters, mussels, and geoducks buried just under the sand, and even edible seaweed. I can’t wait to go fishing from the ocean whenever I want, and bring home delicious fish and clam-like creatures that will freak out Mom for sure (I need to get her back for pulling over by a sprinkler and spraying me in the face for two straight minutes the other day). 

I’ll be sure to spend lots of time in the mountains and woods as well. While I was in Washington for a week in July, Mom, Priscilla, and I drove into Olympic National Forest to go hiking. It looked somewhat like Colorado once we got above the clouds and the treeline. However, until then, it was like we were in a different world.

It’s very green and misty in western Washington state because it’s so wet, and it remains that way all year round since it rarely freezes. The trees in Washington are much taller, greener, and softer than the trees in Colorado. Moss and lichen turn the trunks green, yellow, and sometimes even blaze orange. There’s also lots of tropical-looking plants. Ferns, strange looking flowers, and brightly colored fungi (most of which are poisonous) call the forest floor home. The plant life in Washington appears to be much more diverse than the plant life back home, and I’m excited to learn more about it as I explore the mountains and coastal woods. 

Of course, there's plenty of wildlife in the woods, too. Washington has a huge hunting culture. I might have to travel further inland to find friends who like to hunt (people who live in far western Washington aren't exactly the hunting type, but many of them understand how hunting is important to the conservation of wildlife and preservation of the wilderness), but I know they're out there. I'd love to hunt black bears and bull elk while I'm living in Washington, but it'll likely be a few years before I can hunt again, just because of current events, college, and financial stuff. In the meantime, I'll happily make friends with the local deer just like I did with the deer in Ken Caryl Valley, and just enjoy the serenity of God's magnificent creation. 

Washington is home to magnificent wildernesses. I'll be living in rural western Washington, surrounded by dense, lush woods and rolling hills. I'll get to mediate in nature in my own backyard. Hell, I'll get to do it within my own home, thanks to the sunroom. However, I'll go for plenty of adventures in nature beyond my property too. There's so much to see in western Washington. I'll have a hard time figuring out where I'd like to explore next, since there's a little bit of everything out there. Good thing I'll be living there for awhile!

If I get a little too claustrophobic and sick of the humid air, I could drive just two hours east onto Washington’s high plains. The eastern plains of Washington look almost exactly like the plains of Colorado. Pronghorn and mule deer populate Washington’s plains just like they do in Colorado. There are pastures full of walking steaks and mutton chops. And, there’s sagebrush instead of trees. However, I hope to get used to the trees in Washington soon after I arrive, so I won’t feel the urge to drive two hours east just to relax on the wide open plains. 

I haven’t even scratched the surface regarding all the awesome adventures I could have in Washington, even during the pandemic. The more I research things to do in Washington state, the more excited I get. Living in Washington won’t be like vacationing in Washington. We’ll have our own house, our own cars, our own lives. Sure, I’ll have to visit with my not-so-distant-anymore relatives, but it will likely be easier to set some boundaries since we’ll be living in our own house (my house, my rules!). 

I don’t want there to be any family drama due to my need for personal space, and my relatives’ desires to hang out with me 24/7 and hug me a thousand times every day. I know they mean well, and I really do want a relationship with them. But, I also need those around me to respect my personal space; something they ought to understand much better when I truly have my own bedroom, and am not just borrowing the guest room. 

Perhaps, if/when they learn about my needs and how to go about respecting them, we can do some fun things together over the winter and spring, depending on the course of the pandemic. In the past, we have done lots of things together, but to be honest, I rarely had fun. On the beach, everyone was expected to be close to one another, even in more recent years. It made sense to keep me close when I was a very little girl. But, it was extremely irritating whenever someone shrieked, “Maya! You should stay close! You could get hurt!” when I was exploring the beach as an older teen. That, and of course, everyone had to pose for numerous pictures. I don't mind having my picture taken. However, I don't usually like to stop to pose and smile for the camera. Oftentimes, my natural pose and resting bitch face look a lot better than my stiff stature and half-assed smile I always do when someone takes my picture (unintentionally, I should add. I really don't know how to make myself genuinely smile or pose well on cue). 

In the past, when we weren't at the beach, my relatives would take us to the city, which stressed me out. I never did well in large, noisy crowds. I could tolerate it for a few hours, but once I reached my limit, I needed to get the hell away. If I couldn’t, I’d panic. If we didn't go downtown, we'd go to some crowded mall closer to the suburbs. I didn't really like that either. It was torturous for younger me to have to follow everyone around from one clothes store to the next. Even now, I don't like clothes shopping at all. I only go to the mall for clothes when I have to. If that wasn't bad enough, I had to see shitty animated movies with the family.

Unfortunately, I was born way before any of my second cousins were, resulting in me having to sit through hours of cringy, childish movies instead of watching something much more appropriate for my age (When I was fifteen, I got to see the movie Hacksaw Ridge when it first came out. One month later, I was forced to see the movie Sing with everyone in Washington, which I absolutely hated. Everyone got upset with me when I proudly declared that Sing was the worst movie I'd ever seen, and I should've been allowed to watch Hacksaw Ridge while everyone else saw Sing. I still stand by that). So, there's that too. 

Hopefully, now that I’m no longer sickly or frail-looking, and I am a legal adult, my relatives will see me for who I’ve always been; capable, adventurous, and intelligent. I already have enough self-esteem issues as-is. I don’t need my self-esteem issues to be exacerbated by distant relatives who barely know much about me. That would wreck me. 

They also need to learn that I, as an introvert, am capable of having fun with others (what a surprise). My definition of fun just seems to be different than theirs. I like going on boats in the ocean, exploring the wilderness, and hanging out at small restaurants and cafes. They like to hang out in large, raucous crowds in the city and play gentle group sports like tennis and croquet outside in manicured lawns. Almost nobody on that side of the family, except for a couple of the guys, like to explore uncharted wilderness or swim in the deep ocean. They think it’s way too scary and dangerous. It’s fine if my relatives don’t want to go on a wild adventure, but I have to be able to go on such an adventure every now and then to stay healthy, both mentally and physically. I also have to be able to opt out of family activities I don’t want to do, especially now that I can take care of myself and do things on my own. 

Hopefully, after awhile, they’ll come to realize that I can go on all sorts of exciting excursions on my own and with others, and still come home every night safe and sound.  Believe it or not, I’m intelligent enough to judge what I can and cannot do. Nobody has to worry about me driving off a cliff or getting eaten by Jaws. I know I have a lot to learn yet, and I will make mistakes as I go along. But, I'm not stupid. 

I understand I still need help and guidance in life. I’m nineteen after all. What the fuck does a nineteen-year-old know? I’m aware that don’t really know shit. I only just figured out I’m probably destined to pursue writing as a career, when it’s been glaringly obvious to everyone else around me. However, that doesn’t mean I’m totally helpless and incapable of making intelligent, adult decisions. 

I’m doing just fine right now, and I have the final say when it comes to my healthcare, what college I’m going to attend and what I will major in once there, what vehicle I want to drive, what I do with my time and money, and other stuff like that. I’m also navigating through the pandemic just fine. I have no desire to get sick, and have been listening to the science regarding covid-19 very closely. I just hope and pray that my relatives will see me doing “adulty” stuff, and finally realize that I’m not just some helpless, idiotic little girl. But, I can only hope. 

I’m not quite sure what will happen once quarantine ends, and we’ll be allowed to see our loved ones again. We’ll still be tethered to Colorado since Mom will rent out all four of her Colorado homes, and we will still have family and close friends out there. Perhaps, we’ll move back to Colorado and I’ll attend Arapahoe Community College. Or, maybe we’ll realize we really like Washington, and I’ll attend college there. Whatever happens, I’ll be okay. Colorado will never be further than a three hour flight away. According to Mom, I can fly to Colorado whenever I want after I get vaccinated for covid-19. By then, Dad should have my old YJ ready for the road, since I won’t be able to rent a car until I turn twenty-five. 

It’s not like I’ll forever be trapped in Washington. I’ll be sure to come back to Colorado frequently, and pay everyone I know and love a visit. 

But, for now, I’m unable to see anyone until the pandemic ends, no matter where I am. I’ll just go along with whatever my mom does, which at times feels like a bull ride, only I’m not actually riding the bull. I’m hung up in the ropes, but the bull keeps bucking and I’m just helplessly stuck to it. I know my mom wants the best for all three of us. While I don’t fully understand the method to her madness, it seems like things will turn out alright regardless of what happens. They always do. I just won’t know how well they’ll turn out, and what bumps there will be along the way, or what is even happening, until it happens. 

Moving to Washington will certainly be daunting. But, I’ve prayed about it, and I feel at peace about it. If this was the wrong thing to do, I don’t think God would allow us to feel at peace about it, nor would it seem like things have been set up at just the right moments to make a move to Washington a more feasible option than remaining in Colorado. When moving to Washington was just one of my mom’s many crazy, fleeting ideas, I was very hostile towards it because it terrified me, and I didn't think we were ready. I thought it would turn out to be a hellish shitshow, like our vacations to Washington often turned out to be. However, that was before I got my driver’s license, became much more responsible and independent, and developed a firm, stable faith in God. That was also long before a person on the opposite side of the world ate the wrong bat.

These days, I no longer think living in Washington will be terrible. If anything, it will be a wonderful and exhilarating adventure. It seems like everyone's needs will be met in the best possible way. Jack will have the support he needs that his dad (Clarke) hasn't really been around to provide him, thanks to the family out there. Mom will have the support she needs to keep a roof over our heads, even if the economy goes to shit like never before, resulting in Mom having to cover for the mortgages of all five of her houses (believe it or not, most landlords are not evil, rich people who do nothing but leech off their tenants). And, it looks like I'll have plenty to do while I ride this pandemic out, which will help me safely maintain my mental and physical health as best as I can.

Right now, I don't feel like I have much support. Covid-19 has all my doctors working overtime to keep critically sick patients alive, since covid-19 is primarily a respiratory and cardiovascular disease. That means, when it comes to staying physically well, I'm more or less on my own for God-knows-how-long, since my conditions are primarily respiratory and cardiovascular. When it comes to my mental health, I'm staying alive but I can tell my anxiety medication hasn't been working as well as it used to. Due to current events, every psychiatrist is booked up for months, so I can't do much about that. Turns out, when the economy goes to shit and close to 200,000 Americans die due to a viral disease, lots more people need to get on some medication to make it through. So, I'm just gonna have to tough it out with my current prescription.

Before I knew I'd be moving to Washington, I was afraid of being stuck at home in Colorado with just my little household with almost nothing to do. I never was worried I'd get suicidal or anything nearly as dramatic as that. But, I didn't want to have to suffer alone with nothing to do to keep myself from getting terribly depressed and anxious. Now that we're moving to Washington very soon, my anxiety has certainly gotten worse. But, the anxiety I've been feeling hasn't come entirely from a negative place. I don't know how to explain it. I think I'm excited more than anything. I'll have plenty to do in Washington that will be new and exciting to me. Sure, I'll be homesick, I'll miss my loved ones, and I'll have my bad days. But, given everything I've typed down so far, as well as things I haven't typed down yet, I don't think my life will suck as much in Washington as it might in Colorado during the remainder of the pandemic. 

I'm struggling to find the words to express what I'm really trying to explain. But, I think you get the point. My social life in Washington during the pandemic will be just like the social life I'd have if I stayed home: virtually nonexistent. I won't be able to see my friends and family in-person over this fall and winter, even if I did stay in Colorado. If I stayed in Colorado, I'd just sit inside all day, playing World of Warcraft and watching documentaries on TV while my dogs sat on my lap. I'd go hiking sometimes, but it'll probably be too cold for me to walk during a lot of the winter. Plus, as pretty as the trails in Ken Caryl Valley are, they will get old sooner than later. And, I won't be able to fish because the ponds and lakes will be frozen over. 

In Washington, I'll still spend many hours a day playing WoW and Skyping with friends and family. But, the fall and winter weather will be much more mild in Washington. It will rain often, but it might not snow all year. It probably won't even freeze until late at night, only to thaw out in the mornings again, even in January and February. If I wanted to throw a few snowballs at Jack, we wouldn't have to drive far. Olympic National Forest will only be an hour or so away. But, I'll never have to shovel in the middle of a blizzard again! All of this means I'll be able to fish from the Puget Sound as much as I want, whenever I want! Hell, I'll even be able to swim in the sound in the middle of winter, so long as I get the right wetsuit (which I probably will). 

To me, moving to Washington no longer sounds like a bad idea. If anything, I think staying in Colorado's a worse idea than moving to Washington, just given everything I've typed down so far.

Perhaps, I’m being a little too optimistic. But, I really don’t think so. I have a strong gut feeling that Washington's the right place to go to. I haven't felt this sure about a decision since I learned that I could finish high school online. It's uncanny, but in a good way.