I haven’t even scratched the surface regarding all the awesome adventures I could have in Washington, even during the pandemic. The more I research things to do in Washington state, the more excited I get. Living in Washington won’t be like vacationing in Washington. We’ll have our own house, our own cars, our own lives. Sure, I’ll have to visit with my not-so-distant-anymore relatives, but it will likely be easier to set some boundaries since we’ll be living in our own house (my house, my rules!).
I don’t want there to be any family drama due to my need for personal space, and my relatives’ desires to hang out with me 24/7 and hug me a thousand times every day. I know they mean well, and I really do want a relationship with them. But, I also need those around me to respect my personal space; something they ought to understand much better when I truly have my own bedroom, and am not just borrowing the guest room.
Perhaps, if/when they learn about my needs and how to go about respecting them, we can do some fun things together over the winter and spring, depending on the course of the pandemic. In the past, we have done lots of things together, but to be honest, I rarely had fun. On the beach, everyone was expected to be close to one another, even in more recent years. It made sense to keep me close when I was a very little girl. But, it was extremely irritating whenever someone shrieked, “Maya! You should stay close! You could get hurt!” when I was exploring the beach as an older teen. That, and of course, everyone had to pose for numerous pictures. I don't mind having my picture taken. However, I don't usually like to stop to pose and smile for the camera. Oftentimes, my natural pose and resting bitch face look a lot better than my stiff stature and half-assed smile I always do when someone takes my picture (unintentionally, I should add. I really don't know how to make myself genuinely smile or pose well on cue).
In the past, when we weren't at the beach, my relatives would take us to the city, which stressed me out. I never did well in large, noisy crowds. I could tolerate it for a few hours, but once I reached my limit, I needed to get the hell away. If I couldn’t, I’d panic. If we didn't go downtown, we'd go to some crowded mall closer to the suburbs. I didn't really like that either. It was torturous for younger me to have to follow everyone around from one clothes store to the next. Even now, I don't like clothes shopping at all. I only go to the mall for clothes when I have to. If that wasn't bad enough, I had to see shitty animated movies with the family.
Unfortunately, I was born way before any of my second cousins were, resulting in me having to sit through hours of cringy, childish movies instead of watching something much more appropriate for my age (When I was fifteen, I got to see the movie Hacksaw Ridge when it first came out. One month later, I was forced to see the movie Sing with everyone in Washington, which I absolutely hated. Everyone got upset with me when I proudly declared that Sing was the worst movie I'd ever seen, and I should've been allowed to watch Hacksaw Ridge while everyone else saw Sing. I still stand by that). So, there's that too.
Hopefully, now that I’m no longer sickly or frail-looking, and I am a legal adult, my relatives will see me for who I’ve always been; capable, adventurous, and intelligent. I already have enough self-esteem issues as-is. I don’t need my self-esteem issues to be exacerbated by distant relatives who barely know much about me. That would wreck me.
They also need to learn that I, as an introvert, am capable of having fun with others (what a surprise). My definition of fun just seems to be different than theirs. I like going on boats in the ocean, exploring the wilderness, and hanging out at small restaurants and cafes. They like to hang out in large, raucous crowds in the city and play gentle group sports like tennis and croquet outside in manicured lawns. Almost nobody on that side of the family, except for a couple of the guys, like to explore uncharted wilderness or swim in the deep ocean. They think it’s way too scary and dangerous. It’s fine if my relatives don’t want to go on a wild adventure, but I have to be able to go on such an adventure every now and then to stay healthy, both mentally and physically. I also have to be able to opt out of family activities I don’t want to do, especially now that I can take care of myself and do things on my own.
Hopefully, after awhile, they’ll come to realize that I can go on all sorts of exciting excursions on my own and with others, and still come home every night safe and sound. Believe it or not, I’m intelligent enough to judge what I can and cannot do. Nobody has to worry about me driving off a cliff or getting eaten by Jaws. I know I have a lot to learn yet, and I will make mistakes as I go along. But, I'm not stupid.
