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Trust is something I talk about often but don't really understand. I've got too many knives in my back to count. So far, almost everyone I've called a friend has put a knife in my back, and those who didn't either moved away from me, or I moved away from them. Many of those I've met who I never really called a friend turned into bullies, thus turning my "friends" into bullies as well.
And since my parents divorced when I was a toddler, I've been introduced to a few unfortunate partners. One of them turned into my stepmom, who I haven't really seen in a few years because she always went out of her way to make me feel worthless and upset. Luckily, I saw through her lies, and so has everyone else except for my dad. So, Dad and I made a compromise. I left the house so I didn't have to see my stepmom anymore, and I've managed to keep a good relationship with Dad by hanging out with him on some weekends.
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I've always enjoyed the serenity and isolation of the wilderness and the countryside. It fits me well in a lot of ways. It gives me a place to retreat to when times get tough. It gives me a place to hide from the judging eyes of modern society, and a place to spend hours and days exploring without it getting boring. I'd spend a lot more time out there if I didn't have Cystic Fibrosis, but somehow shared the same personality and views on life without CF as I do now, which to me is questionable. Would I be the same person if I didn't have to suffer nearly as much? No.
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Not even five years ago, I was scared of my own shadow. My confidence was under the ground, and my social life was pretty much non-existent. I was bullied so badly in my first middle school, that I had to change schools. My bullies scared me into silence and destroyed whatever confidence and self-esteem I had. My teachers weren't great in that school either, and I ended up serving detention every single day because I was "too lazy to do my homework."
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Today, I had yet another doctor's appointment. A few days ago, I went in to get my blood drawn so I can stay on a new medication that attacks the root of the Cystic Fibrosis problem. The doctors are inching towards a cure, and while they put me on these pills that are designed to change how my cells function in my body, they have to monitor me closely for health and research reasons.
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- Category: Maya
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I don't know why I'm alive. I should be dead. I've survived the impossible and come out of hard times with less than a scratch. I'm one of the healthiest people with Cystic Fibrosis in the world, even though I was hit pretty hard with trouble in my early childhood. I've defied the laws of everything, since God saved me when medicine couldn't, even if I doubted His obvious miracle the next day. I guess God knows when it'll sink it, which it usually does weeks or months or years later.
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