Of course, that isn't to say the past doesn't stick with me, since it does. It has kept me quiet and nervous around people. It sometimes keeps me up at night, or worries me during the day.  It keeps me in therapy. It doesn't go away.

I'm always alert and listening to my surroundings when I'm out in public, especially if I'm alone in public. I also tend to underestimate my size. I'm kind of like a 120 pound Great Pyrenees who thinks its a lap dog. I still find myself in the same mindset I had several years ago, when I was small and weak for my age. 

But now, I'm the biggest one on my mom's side of the family, and by far the biggest one in the household. I'm still the midget to my dad's family in Minnesota, since at 5,6, I'm the shortest by a few inches. But around my mom's side, I'm at least an inch taller than everyone else. And, that means I'm apparently on the stronger side as well. 

Realizing my strength has made me look at my past in a different way. If I were to experience it now, I would've definitely been strong and brave enough to defend myself. If a past bully tried shoving me into the side of a door frame today, chances are, I would shove him through the door. If someone spread a rumor about how my disease is contagious, I would've definitely stuck a wet finger in her ear when she least expected it. And my encounter with my stepmom in Minnesota, proved that she wouldn't have said anything negative to me if I didn't seem so weak and fragile. Of course, I've nearly doubled my size in the last five years or so, so while today I see many ways to make fun of the bullies, five years ago it was absolute hell for me to go through. 

Unlike today, I couldn't trust myself. I knew how small and weak I looked to everyone else. I was fully aware of my differences, and knew I didn't stand much of a chance against anyone. These days, I can trust myself more. I've grown up, and with that I've gotten a lot more active, eaten a lot better, gotten stronger, and overall just gotten healthier. Even though Cystic Fibrosis still progresses with age, I'm way healthier today than I was five years ago. Because of that, people haven't bullied me in a long time. And even more importantly, I can trust myself enough to start trusting others a little more, since my strength has granted me confidence I don't think I ever had.