The peace I felt on the way to Clarke’s never really left me. In a way, it sticks with me to this day. 

Even as the pandemic progressed, and my mom was sent home from work, my brother was sent home from school, my doctors sent me numerous urgent emails and voicemails begging myself and my immediate family to lay low for awhile, stores, businesses, and churches all shut down, and the number of cases both in the state and the rest of the country rose exponentially, I felt an underlying sense of peace during all of it. Sure, I still had my moments of anxiety and panic, but they were short-lived, and I soon found myself in prayer, bringing the constant underlying sense of peace to the surface. For the first time, I felt like I could truly trust God, and took the pandemic as the ultimate test of my faith. None of the bad news really shook me. I just leaned into God, asking Him for strength and peace as the pandemic got worse. For some strange reason, I just knew everything would be okay in the end. That reassurance felt Divine. Almost like the Lord Himself was telling me everything would be alright. 

I was still very new to the faith. At least, I was new to the faith I now had. My childhood faith in God was nothing like my adulthood faith in God, if that makes any sense. I still believed in the same roots as an adult that I did as a kid. I still believed Jesus Christ was God in the flesh, and He died on the cross for our sins, and then rose from the dead three days later. But, that was the only thing I kept from my childhood faith. Everything else was new to me, from the way God and the world worked, to the reasons why the world was such a mess, to how we should approach and trust God, and how we should hang out with other believers and non-believers.

Unlike most of my family, I wasn’t afraid to get pissed at God. I wasn’t afraid to hunt down the biggest, scariest, possibly faith-ending questions and seek answers for them. I wasn’t afraid to disagree with and challenge other Christians, or atheists, or religious non-Christians. I fully accepted that I was a flawed human being, and I needed to be super careful about judging other people, if I did so at all. I fully accepted that I still had a lot to learn, both about God and just life in general. But, best of all, I felt like after all I’d been through, am currently going through, and will go through, I could trust God fully, and nothing would break my trust. 

I really don’t know where I’d be right now if I didn’t have faith in God or science. I fully trust God, just like I fully trust science. As the pandemic progressed, I only listened (and still listen) to two things: God and science. God says everything will be okay no matter what. Even if I got the worst case of covid and died a horrible death, everything will be made right in heaven. As time went on, and I lived my life exiled from the world at home, science caught up to God in some ways. I was terrified, but became less so as more people with CF caught covid, and 95% of them made full recoveries. Those on Trikafta did especially well with covid! Still, I wasn’t gonna take any chances. I needed my doctors to give me the green light before I went anywhere. 

While I waited for my doctors to tell me I could go places again, I stayed at home except to take part in socially-distanced outdoor activities. I thought I could stay home easily, since I basically lived in quarantine during the last three semesters of high school with ease. But, during the pandemic, I had lots of energy, when I was running on fumes throughout the last year and half of high school. I was no longer like a hibernating winter bear. I was like a caged tiger ready to rip someone’s arm off just because I could, and everyone who spent more than two minutes talking to me could tell. 

My mom and little brother did their best to keep their distance from me, and made sure I had unlimited access to my truck so I could drive into Ken Caryl Valley and go hiking to get rid of some of that excess energy. The foothills were basically my second home for awhile. I had the energy to hike those trails with ease, when just months before, I usually got too exhausted and lightheaded to enjoy my time in the foothills and mountains. Not only could I slowly wander up and down the trails, taking in all the sights and smells, I could actually sprint up and down them with ease. When I wasn't taking my time to immerse myself in my surroundings, I loved to challenge myself by charging up steep trails and leaping onto and over huge boulders that sat near the trails. I even lost my fear of heights for the most part by climbing up a massive red rock formation in the middle of the valley, and sitting with my legs dangling over the edge as I marveled at God's creation. 

I was ridiculously able-bodied compared to what I'd once been. Sure, I'll always have health issues caused by CF. My body will never be perfect. But, Trikafta successfully defanged my CF and made it possible for me to truly enjoy life for the first time. I went from limping in pain every time a cold front moved in, to booking it down the mountain to my Xterra as a strong cold front brought heavy rainstorms rushing over the foothills. Unfortunately, I did not make it to my Xterra in time, so I just had to deal with the rain, giddily laughing and howling like a hyena as I sprinted through the mud, because I just could not believe how healthy I now was. Sure, I was wet, but I wasn't freezing to death, gasping for air, or gritting my teeth through pain. I had every reason to be as ecstatic as I was. I just wish there was someone else around besides God to witness that miracle in action, along with many others I experienced on those hiking trails.