But, why? Why do I prefer to continue living this life, instead of re-living my life without even half of the challenges that I've been forced to live through? Why do I prefer to live in a world where children die of cancer, and humans can freely choose to do good or bad, instead of in a world where no children die of cancer, and everyone just gets along? Why can't God give humans free will and simultaneously prevent suffering? 

Well, like I said, I believe suffering is a fundamental aspect of existence. Suffering isn't inherently bad or good. It's just a thing that exists. We just perceive it as bad, because in the present, suffering fucking sucks ass in our minds. It is what gives teeth to our depression, anxiety, grief, anger, and all those other less-than-awesome emotions and mental illnesses we all experience at some point in our lives.

But, suffering is also what protects us, forces us to grow and learn, teaches us to not play with fire or intentionally slap an innocent person across the face. It's what gives us a purpose in life; to create, to love, to find and create friendships, to explore. After all, if we never suffered, how would we know what love was. How would we know not to hate? How would we get motivated to learn, grow, and change ourselves and our world for the better? How would we be motivated to work and create meaning? What would we ever even do in life without that pesky suffering? 

Personally, I think suffering is ultimately a very good thing. Given the potential it has to teach us invaluable lessons, force us to better ourselves and the world, remind us that our time on earth is limited and therefore very valuable, and help us form a personal identity and a faith. Now, notice I said "potential". Suffering doesn't always produce desirable results in the end, even for those who agree that suffering is ultimately for good. Just like freezing weather doesn't always produce ice. But, all suffering can potentially lead to good, just like freezing weather can potentially create ice. 

I think it's more or less up to the sufferer to decide if they want to use their suffering for good or not, just like I have the choice whether or not I want to create ice by putting water in the freezer. See what I'm trying to say?

As tough as it is, I try to look at my sufferings in a more meaningful light. That doesn't mean I always try to find the silver lining. Sometimes, I am just too burnt out and exhausted to find the good in every problem, and opt to cry into a bag of gummy bears instead (which is totally okay). But, days, weeks, months, even years later, I often reflect upon the times I was the most miserable and broken with 20/20 vision, where I'm able to see what good came out of my lowest of low days. I've yet to reflect upon a time like that and not see how I was positively impacted by a severely negative situation. That is why I'd rather live in a world where pain and suffering exist, rather than a world without it. 

Without the hell I have been put through thus far, I wouldn't have learned the invaluable lessons I have learned so far. Sure, oftentimes I can be a pessimistic, resentful asshole. But, at the same time, I rarely take even the tiniest things for-granted. There are moments when I'm struck with awe and wonder and gratitude, even while I'm doing the most basic things like washing dishes. Just the other day while I was washing dishes, I suddenly realized just how blessed I was to have dirty dishes to wash! Dirty dishes were a sign that I hadn't gone hungry, and the leftovers I'd put in the fridge for later meant I wouldn't go hungry in the future either.

Beyond that, outside there was a heavy thunderstorm. Yet, despite the rain and wind lashing at the window and thrashing the trees, I was warm, dry, and safe inside my house, where I also had access to clean, warm, running water, electricity, internet, modern amenities like the dishwasher, so on and so forth. Believe it or not, most people in the world lack proper shelter from such weather, let alone have access to clean water, comfortable beds, lights, locks on their doors and windows, cars, books, etc. But, for whatever reason, I had not been born into such poverty, and have instead been born into a lap of luxury according to the world's standards. How amazing is that?!

Let's not forget that I was also born at a time when medical science could save me. Had I been born just ten years earlier, I would've died by now. Sure, medical science hasn't been perfect. I have suffered from major medical mistakes both big and small. But, all things considered, what people much smarter than me have done for me, has been nothing short of absolutely miraculous! I have had the privilege of not just watching medical science smash through one glass ceiling after another, but being able to help science do that! And, do so in record time!

Twenty years ago, my parents were still hanging me upside down and giving me karate-chop massages on my back to dislodge the mucus in my lungs to cough it out. When I was in kindergarten, a machine called the Vest came out that did the karate-chop technique for me instead of my parents doing it. When I was between the ages of four and seven, I was a participant in the TIGER trials, which discovered (quite on accident) that a drug called Pulmozyme was really good at helping clear out mucus by making it less sticky. When I was in high school, I again participated in a phage-virus therapy trial to see if it could combat my Pseudomonas infection, which it did! As a result, Cystic Fibrosis clinics all over the country are investing more and more studies into the phage therapy to combat nasty, antibiotic-resistant bacteria like I had, which in turn is improving the lives of thousands of people just like me! Shortly thereafter, an engineer with Cystic Fibrosis invented a portable Vest treatment, so I didn't have to sit and do nothing for an hour each day anymore. Then, Trikafta came along, just when I needed it most, and holy shit has it been a game changer! 

Notice a pattern in all of that? Because of the suffering I was enduring due to my condition, I was able to help medical science move along tremendously, not just for other people with CF, but subsequently for everyone. Therefore, improving the lives of everyone with virtually any kind of condition or illness, and subsequently making the entire world a safer, healthier place to live. Had I (or anyone else) not suffered, that wouldn't have happened. In fact, nothing substantial would've happened, had suffering never occurred. We'd still be running around naked, living in caves, and eating berries. What kind of life is that?!