When I returned to school for 9th grade after the summer, everything was much different. To be honest, I did shelter myself from everyone over the summer, so I didn’t see any changes going on because I wasn’t around anyone. I spent most of the summer by myself, just trying to recharge after going through such a difficult year. I really didn’t want to go back to school, and when I did, it felt like I was throwing on a pair of crusty gym socks.

My school managed to screw up my electives, and put me in performing arts rather than regular art. I immediately let the school know, because there was no way in hell I was gonna do well in that class. I’ve always had severe stage fright, and I’ve always struggled with memorizing things word-for-word. So, I was put in engineering instead, which seemed like an equally bad idea, considering I hated math, and believed I couldn’t do it. However, I had no other options except for track, and I hated running more than I hated math.

I also found myself growing more and more distant from my peers. One of my classes was about politics, and I often stood alone on a lot of issues. I didn’t see eye-to-eye with most of my peers, because I just experienced the world differently than them. No one was really wrong, but no one was very right either. I just had different experiences than them, which made it difficult for me to relate to them, and vise versa. Also, Fiona decided that she wasn’t a girl anymore, which really confused me at the time since I didn’t really know much about transgenderism. However, I didn’t really care in the end. I was perfectly ok with it, since my friend seemed a lot happier when she became he.

Still, I hated school. I was bored, tired, and lonely. I just wanted things in my life to change, but in a way that didn’t plunge me into depression again. I prayed almost every night, asking God for another good change in my life to make it more bearable. I wanted to break out of my endless loop of school, martial arts, and sleep.

I did get a small break from everything when my dad took me to see Nitro Circus Live at the Pepsi Center downtown. My dad and I sat together high above most of the stadium, looking down at the performers in the center of the stadium, as they backflipped dirtbikes and launched themselves over jumps in various other objects, such as chairs on skates and even a rocking horse on wheels.

I loved every second of it, especially the tricks that involved the dirtbikes. In fact, Nitro Circus is what inspired me to get into motocross. While that sounds about as smart as watching Jackass and being inspired to ride a shopping cart into a bush, this was something different. The stunts Nitro Circus was performing were clearly well planned out and practiced. Of course there were fails, but Nitro Circus was more focused on the successes, and those successes drew me into motocross.