While my faith in God remains strong and unwavering, every day I wrestle with it. I struggle to surrender my troubles to the Lord. I struggle with the horrors of this world. I struggle to simply relax and accept myself for who God allows me to be. I just struggle with the mere fact that I exist.

As much as I love to rant and rave about how awful contemporary Christian music is, there is at least one contemporary Christian song that just resonates with my soul, especially now, after I almost lost my grandpa Lyle (whom I am extremely close with) to a widow-maker heart attack that he didn’t know was happening until three days after it began. 

It was running on fumes as I was pulling into the station. I quietly parked and stepped out of my truck, pulling my wallet out of my pocket as I did so. It was calm, sunny, and surprisingly warm as I shoved the gas nozzle into the fuel tube. I stood back and pondered on what I could do for the next several hours as I waited for my truck’s fuel tank to fill up. I had until sunset to do whatever I pleased, and as I mentioned, it was a gorgeous day. 

It’s been nearly six months since I arrived at my new home in Gig Harbor, Washington. 

I’ve discovered, quite on accident, that there’s something magical about sitting outside on the back porch at three in the morning, reading a collection of hunting stories, surrounded by wilderness, and listening to the cacophony of coyote howls mixed in with owl calls, and the occasional cry of a fox or a bobcat.