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While my faith in God remains strong and unwavering, every day I wrestle with it. I struggle to surrender my troubles to the Lord. I struggle with the horrors of this world. I struggle to simply relax and accept myself for who God allows me to be. I just struggle with the mere fact that I exist.
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As much as I love to rant and rave about how awful contemporary Christian music is, there is at least one contemporary Christian song that just resonates with my soul, especially now, after I almost lost my grandpa Lyle (whom I am extremely close with) to a widow-maker heart attack that he didn’t know was happening until three days after it began.
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It was running on fumes as I was pulling into the station. I quietly parked and stepped out of my truck, pulling my wallet out of my pocket as I did so. It was calm, sunny, and surprisingly warm as I shoved the gas nozzle into the fuel tube. I stood back and pondered on what I could do for the next several hours as I waited for my truck’s fuel tank to fill up. I had until sunset to do whatever I pleased, and as I mentioned, it was a gorgeous day.
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It’s been nearly six months since I arrived at my new home in Gig Harbor, Washington.
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I’ve discovered, quite on accident, that there’s something magical about sitting outside on the back porch at three in the morning, reading a collection of hunting stories, surrounded by wilderness, and listening to the cacophony of coyote howls mixed in with owl calls, and the occasional cry of a fox or a bobcat.
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