For me, 90% of my struggles with college classes such as Chemistry come from within. I have a terrible habit of comparing myself to the people around me. In my Chemistry course, I’m surrounded by fresh-outta-highschoolers who seem to know everything after taking AP Chemistry for their entire senior year, leaving me in the dust. 

There’s a part of me that feels insecure and ashamed about it- like I should know the things everyone else does. Because I don’t know everything about Chemistry that they do, I honestly feel stupid. But, looking at that statement logically, is it true? Should I already know basic Chemistry? Am I stupid because I don’t know basic Chemistry? 

In a perfect, just world, I should know some basic Chemistry! But, logically speaking, I had a lot of hurdles to surpass in my high school years that my current Chemistry peers did not. Those hurdles I had to jump over weren’t simple exams or quiz questions. They were literally life-or-death decisions that I had to make.

Naturally, taking care of my physical health to the best of my ability- knowing full well that my best efforts would not work in the end lest a literal miracle happened- was far more important than memorizing the fucking periodic table. 

In a way, that’s still true. My physical, mental, and spiritual health are far more important than my academics. But, the next piece of good news is that I do take excellent care of myself, which means I now have the energy and the ability to learn- and perhaps even master- Chemistry.