Note: Here’s part two of this blog. It relates to the first part, but in a different(ish) way. This part’s more about the colleges, majors, and career paths that lie ahead of me. 

In order to best prepare for my future outside of community college, I’ve decided to spend my summer touring various colleges within driving distance of my house. So far, I’ve visited two campuses: Colorado Christian University and Colorado School of Mines.

I toured them both with an open mind, trying my best to envision myself as a university student, pursing a rigorous degree with a passion. I’ve tried to replace my fear with excitement; to “embrace the adventure” as my grandparents (who came with me to both tours) have been saying. I even struck up a few conversations with current students and faculty of both schools, getting as much information out of them about the schools as I could. 

So far, getting information has been easy. Reining in the anxiety, however, has not. 

For the first time in my life, I’m starting to feel the pressure of performing academically to ensure a spot at one of the “top schools” in the country. Colorado Christian University’s average GPA is on par with Harvard’s, and only one in ten applicants get into Colorado School of Mines. Both places have professors that are top-tier experts in their fields. And both campuses are beautiful.

I still have several more universities to tour and consider, all of which are just as academically rigorous and fancy as CCU and Mines. 

Meanwhile, here I am: a twenty-three-year-old community college student, who threw a $50 sushi party for myself over getting a 76% in my precalculus class. At both CCU and Mines, I found myself surrounded by students far more academically successful than myself. They took the hardest classes in high school, lead all sorts of student organizations, and participated in numerous prestigious extracurriculars. They volunteered, worked, and studied from dusk till dawn during their high school careers, and continued that in college. 

Compared to them, I’m the definition of a disappointment!

Ok, I know I’m being a little dramatic. I know that I’m not a fuckup or a disappointment. I know that I’ll be okay no matter what happens. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others (I mean… Colorado School of Mines bragged about how Adam Savage from Mythbusters went there to build some stuff for his YouTube channel, and Savage never even went to college). And, as much as I like to bitch about everything, I’m actually pretty content with life. 

Even so, I felt wildly out-of-place touring both schools. I walked around both campuses in a T-shirt, camo cap, and the camo cowboy boots Toby chewed up, while being led around by professionally-dressed student ambassadors past gothic-style, stone buildings where dressed-up professors were attending summertime conferences. Students taking summer classes and internships were hard at work, studying in the libraries and commons, or outside under the shadows cast by century-old cottonwoods and ash trees.

At Mines, I visited labs were scientists my age were busy conducting experiments using chemicals and technology I'd never even heard of before (I saw some guy in a hazmat suit apparently preparing chemicals to launch through Mines' particle accelerator). At CCU, I overheard a group of students in one of the commons areas engaged in a heated theological discussion that went well over my head. 

To be continued…