These (and many more) new realizations, huge jumps in progress, and new experiences in the past year have completely stunned me. I am virtually unrecognizable from the sickly little creature I was not even five years ago, and I'm still growing healthier and healthier as time goes on thanks to medical science (which wasn't supposed to ever happen, even with Trikafta). 

Is it any wonder why I'm simultaneously looking forward to my long future ahead and being absolutely scared to death of it? Is it any wonder why I've been so damn anxious and overwhelmed these last few years? Is it any wonder why it took me six years to get back to swimming in fresh water? Is it any wonder why I'm always anticipating the other shoe to drop, even though it probably won't anytime soon? Is it any wonder why I've been increasingly overwhelmed and paralyzed by all of the opportunities and experiences college and getting healthy again have afforded me? 

Of course, unless one's experienced what I have, they wouldn't get just how much work and courage it took to throw myself into the pool for the first time in six years. Nobody in my life seems to understand how insanely difficult and terrifying my first semester of college was for me. They don't get how much practice and discipline it took me to become confident enough to stay home alone for a week, or call my doctors, pharmacists, and health insurance attorneys on my own without an adultier adult in the room with me. And, few people seem to be aware of what I've currently been doing behind the scenes to conquer my next biggest CF-Induced-Fear: Camping. 

After all, if I can conquer my fears of complex math, social interactions with peers, driving in Denver, fresh water, covid, and more, then I can eventually conquer my fear of camping. As a hunter, an angler, an avid outdoorswoman who can summon wildlife like a goddamn fairy princess, I would like to be able to go into the middle of nowhere for a few nights and not be absolutely terrified of every little noise, shadow, and gust of wind. Especially since I no longer rely on 24/7 access to power outlets, refrigerators, cell service, and distilled water to survive.