As a little kid, my idea of a "perfect existence" would be one where I was a healthy adult with few things to worry about, and all the time in the world to play video games and hang out with animals. When I was eighteen, I had begun Trikafta. That same year, covid reared its ugly head. Of course, I (being the paranoid germaphobe CF made me into) took covid super seriously. I kept my distance from people, hoarded hand sanitizer and medical-grade N95s, and basically did nothing all day except play video games and go hiking with the deer. It was fun for about two weeks or so, then shit got really old. By the time I got my covid vaccine, I had pretty much gone insane, and I was extremely depressed and anxious, to the point my favorite hobbies were sleeping and pacing around the house. 

My childhood "dream" came true for me, and it was a living Hell. 

So, the question now is: would my life have been any better had I not been born with Cystic Fibrosis? Would I have felt life was any easier had I not been born with CF? Is it right to fantasize about a life I will never live? Is it right to wish for a life, deep down inside, I wouldn't trade the world for; a life without CF?

The short answer to all of these questions would be, "No."

Humans experience pain differently. What might be devastating to one may be nothing to another, and vise versa. A kid who loses their first pet hamster might feel the same level of grief an adult feels when they lose a close friend, but an adult probably won't be phased by the death of their pet hamster after experiencing the loss of a close friend. A person without CF who gets a cold might be sick at home for a week, but I barely notice regular-old colds, especially after what CF's put me through. See what I'm saying?

I don't think I'd be any happier if I wasn't born with CF than I am currently. I don't think I'd be any stronger or braver had I been born without CF than I now am. I may have different fears and insecurities had I been born without CF than I have now, but I wouldn't be completely without fear and insecurities if I didn't have CF. In fact, quite the opposite.