After spending another excruciating hour in class, hiding and ignoring my growing nausea and illness, the professor finally gave us permission to leave. I'm pretty sure I left behind a cloud of dust all the way from class to my Xterra. Once at the truck, I tossed my backpack in the backseat, hopped into the front seat, and peeled out of the parking lot. I could feel the saliva building up in my mouth as I merged onto the highway, along with my heartrate rapidly increasing, and my eyes welling up with tears.

Despite having survived my presentation, I was extremely sick afterwards. I ended up having to pull over halfway home to vomit in a field. Once home, I bolted into the bathroom and locked myself in there until I felt a little better, an hour or so later. But, that horrible post-presentation anxiety, no matter how well-hidden I kept it, stayed with me for the rest of the night and well into the next day. 

I also couldn't help but be hard on myself (which, I know is bad, but I do it anyway because anxiety, I guess), and wondering if I'd made enough eye contact with the class, made enough sense while speaking, made the right hand gestures and facial expressions and used the right tone of voice, so on and so on. I was also pretty upset at myself for being so scared of a thing that couldn't possibly harm me in any physical way. Why was I so scared of doing a simple group presentation to a classroom full of students that all had to do the same thing? What was it with public speaking that scared me more than death itself?

Honestly, I still can't answer either of those questions. Largely because that fear of mine, while very real and physically exhausting, is irrational. Logic can't explain why I am so scared of presenting in front of a room full of peers. I just am, and I'm just gonna have to accept it.