When my mom and Clarke separated, we moved houses and I started middle school. It was there I began to really get bullied. I stopped eating so much so I wouldn't spend so much time in the bathroom, but of course that meant I lost a lot of weight. Kids noticed how small I was and picked on me for that, as well as a bunch of other things relating to my health. The name-calling and the rumors weren't what hurt the most. Being pushed into lockers and having doors slammed on my face were what really hurt, literally. When I finally switched schools after almost two years of hell, I decided if I was going to increase my self-esteem, I had to work for it, so I went into Tae Kwon Do.
TKD was one of the best things to happen to me even though I saw it as a chore and rarely enjoyed it. TKD increased my appetite and made me stronger, and my masters didn't treat me differently from anyone else. I was still expected to work just as hard as everyone else, and even if I hacked something up, my masters saw this as progress and told me to work harder so I'd hack up more. It was hard work, but I eventually got taken off the appetite pill because I didn't need it anymore. Pretty much all of my fat was turned into muscle, and my visible bones began to disappear.
Around this same time, my pancreas started dying on me, so my mom asked her best friend for help. Her best friend is a Harvard educated vegan dietician, and she really wanted to help keep me off insulin if possible. She told my mom to put me on a strict organic paleo diet, but to keep milk in my diet just to see how things went. My blood sugar levels went from being dangerously high to dangerously low in just a couple days, so we tweaked my diet, and sat back to watch what would happen.
Within a few months, I had gained weight, stayed off of antibiotics, and my pancreas was healing a little bit. I was eating around 4 meals per day of mostly greens and meats, but I still drank a gallon of milk everyday. Our grocery bill skyrocketted, but my parents didn't care because they didn't have to take so much time off to take me to doctors appointments.
Within a year, I had completely turned around. I was a beast, only bested by my basketball and hockey-playing friends. I was eating five meals a day. I'd wake up super early so I could eat a large breakfast, make a smoothie for the road, and pack a bunch of snacks for school (my doctors gave me permission to eat in class). At school I'd get two turkey sandwiches, eat at least a tray of salad from the salad bar, and drink a few cartons of milk. I'd come home and eat whatever I could before TKD (which I had three times a week), and then eat again right after TKD, and then eat again just before bed.
My weight, height, and health all greatly improved. My growth chart looked like a hockey stick between late 7th grade through 9th grade, and I didn't slow down until 10th grade, and some say I'm still growing. I was getting a new belt in TKD every 3-4 months because I was there so often and doing so well, and I found myself in sparring. I'd spar with the black belts because I was too aggressive for the kids with my belt. I got my ass kicked every Friday night, but I didn't care because my self-esteem in that was sky-high, though my athletic friends and the guys who wrecked me every Friday night kept me humble.
Somewhere in 9th grade though, I lost all of my enjoyment for sparring. I just didn't want to fight anymore. I'm not exactly sure why, but I think it's due to a mix of boredom, anxiety, and situational depression. Two of the three TKD classes I attended were for everyone, and I was sick of doing the same old things in a class full of white and yellow belts. I couldn't do a different class though because I had school. I hated the neighborhood we lived in because I was sick of hearing gunshots and people shouting almost every night. I was exhausted because I was getting less than 7 hours of sleep every night and had to wake up super early to fight traffic. I was just ready to move onto the next chapter in life. At the end of 9th grade, we moved to the west side of town. I shamelessly left the dojo just three belts away from getting my black belt. I still don't miss that dojo or that house.
While I left TKD for other things, my appetite never decreased. If anything, as I grew further, I ate more. I still participated in extreme sports, and I needed the calories to sustain myself and my muscles.
