Lately, I’ve found myself on that hogback more often than usual. In the past week, I’ve hoofed it up the red-sand trail to hide among the gambel oaks three times, despite it being close to finals week. After all, I’ve needed it.
When I’m up on the hogback, I hardly feel lonely or alone. Sometimes, it feels like God’s walking right alongside me, regardless of if I’m saying my prayers aloud or silently in my heart. And, that gives me peace, right then and there.
But, when I come to the hogback, I’m not just seeking an immediate sense of peace. I go up there to find out what God has to say. After all, up there, the hustle-and-bustle of the city life goes silent. As I hike further up the trail, my anxiety depletes and my mind falls quiet, while the sights and sounds of God’s creation amplify. Oh, I’m so very thankful to have access to such a beautiful, serene place.
The past few times I’ve come up to the hogback, I’ve brought with me many questions for God. Some of them I can (and do) answer myself, such as how science and faith can not only coexist, but intertwine.
To me, science is the study of nature, while theology is the study of God. Science changes as we learn more about the natural world. In the same way, theology changes as we learn more about God. However, neither God nor nature actually change (generally speaking, anyway). Only one’s understanding of God and nature changes.
Unfortunately, it seems like very few people I know can make this distinction. As far as I can tell- based on lighthearted conversations I’ve had with my Biology acquaintances- I’m the only person in the classroom who believes in God, let alone in the God of the Bible. And in my family, I’m the only Christian who “believes in” the science of evolution (AKA the fact that humans evolved from the same animal chimpanzees evolved from).
There’s nothing inherently wrong with this, but I can’t deny the fact that I feel a little uncomfortable being alone in both respects. In my family, I feel like I have to keep my mouth shut about what I’m learning about in my Biology classes, and on campus, I feel like I have to keep my mouth shut about what I’m learning about God.
Why is this?
When it comes to my family, I’m fairly certain that no matter what I say, they won’t change their minds. According to my Christian family members (whom I dearly love, for the record), we are in no way related to apes, and climate change is not being accelerated by human activities. Plus, it’s not my job to change their minds, so why try?
On the other hand, when it comes to talking about God in university, I simply don’t know anyone in my Biology classes who believes in anything spiritual.
Ok, that’s a bit of a lie… there are two Muslim students in my class who sit several rows away from me. But, everyone who sits within earshot of me has openly stated their disdain for organized religion of any kind. And, I don’t blame them.
I, too, went through an anti-theist phase.
However, let’s be honest: I look like a Duck Dynasty character; I’m very conservative-coded. The second I open my mouth up to talk about God to my peers, they might as well label me as another fundamentalist evangelist who calls evolution “evil-lution”.
Plus, as I said before, it’s not my job to change their minds.
But… I have to admit, the fact that I have such a staunch faith in God while pursuing a Biology degree at a very secular school, adds to my feeling that I don’t belong at CU Denver. Or near anything that has to do with science and research for that matter.
Once again, I’m set apart from everyone else.
