That then leads me to ask (and answer) the question, “How do I stop thinking about what other people are up to?”

Well, last week, I had many opportunities to practice doing just that, with mixed results.

Thing is, as much as I love to bully myself and downplay my achievements, because I pay attention in class and study almost daily for the whole semester, my peers think I’m one of the “smart ones”. 

Naturally, that means that people in my classes want to pair up with me for group projects, hoping that I’ll carry their slack. On top of that, I’ve noticed that people will sit closer to me in class to be able to get answers/clarification from me during lecture (y’know, when I’m trying to listen to the prof and scribble down notes). And, as the semester goes on, those people start asking me more and more questions. 

This semester, particularly in Biology, this phenomenon has been much more apparent to me, mostly because I’m tired and my tolerance for bullshit is at a record low. It’s just not low enough to motivate me to stand up for myself and tell my peers to leave me alone (at least, not yet). However, for the sake of my wellbeing (and my grades), I really do need to grow a backbone and tell my peers (especially those sitting next to me) to put their phones away during lectures and ask the professor to clarify information. After all, it’s not my job to be the professor. It’s my job to be the student and learn the shit the prof’s already figured out, without being interrupted every five minutes when the person sitting next to me finally puts their goddamned phone away. 

Of course, as simple as it is to turn to one of my peers and tell them, upfront, that I won’t be giving away any answers from here on out, it’s not easy at all, especially since I’m very, very drama/conflict-averse. Also, I was raised by people who, for much of my life, taught me that it was better to fawn over people than to tell them the truth, even if telling them the truth was the right thing to do. 

I mean… My mom used to punish me for not accepting her boyfriends when she brought them home (one at a time, of course, but still). We’ve since gone to therapy together and made peace with how she initially taught me to handle conflict (if you consider fawning over shitty boyfriends a good way to handle/avoid conflict). But, the damage remains. Just, instead of fawning over legitimately dangerous people, I just fawn over the annoying ones in hopes that they’ll go away. 

Thing is, so long as I give people what they want (in this case, up-to-date information about Biology to my peers who have a severe addiction to social media), they won’t leave me alone. 

To be continued...