The following Wednesday, the prof briefly went over Plato’s Apology, along with a handful of ideas that came from the Greeks that helped to shape modern western philosophy, and ended his lecture about that with, “Well… now that we got through the worst of this class, let’s dive into a fun and easy debate known as free will vs determinism!”

My interest in the class was suddenly piqued. 

While I wasn’t super familiar with the free will vs determinism debate, I knew enough to know that the debate could essentially be boiled down to this: people either have free will to make their own choices regardless of what nature’s up to, or we’re completely bound and programed by natural laws. The determinist believes we’re all completely controlled by nature, while the free-will libertarian believes we have some (or even complete) free will to make our own decisions, regardless of nature’s grip on us.

Personally, I didn’t (and still don’t) know whether I agreed more with determinism or free will (or, perhaps both). I just didn’t feel like I knew enough to make a confident decision, which was okay. In Philosophy 101, it was okay to not even know what free will or determinism meant. And, there I was, already familiar with the subject!

For the record, I wasn’t smug about it whatsoever. I was just happy that, for once in my college career, I actually understood something right off the bat. It wasn’t like in my literature class, where 80% of the books the professor referenced went right over my head (as I’ve never been a fiction reader, unless I’m forced to read it for a grade, or it’s actually really good stuff), or in my math/science courses, where I worked my ass off to fully grasp the material. Philosophy has been easy for me, because I’ve been familiar with everything, so far, that the prof has referenced. 

Ok, I didn’t know the names of the actual philosophers (D’Holbach and Campbell) arguing for and against determinism. But, I knew their arguments pretty well. By the time the second lecture on determinism vs free will ended, I already knew what I was gonna write for my free will vs determinism paper. 

In short, while I’m not comfortable taking a hard stance on either side, I can understand where both arguments are coming from. That said, I don’t see the point of the argument, because, in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t seem to matter whether or not we’re truly free agents. Why? Well… A) it already seems like we have free will, and B) we can’t ever definitively prove nor disprove free will or determinism. So, why does it matter? 

Am I being a little inflammatory by asking the question, “Why does it matter whether or not we have free will?”. Sure. But, isn’t that more or less the point of philosophy, in many ways? To be annoying and inflammatory (as Socrates was)?

All that said, I don’t think that philosophy is entirely useless. I mean… there must be a damn good reason why every college student is required to take a philosophy course, regardless of what they’re studying. Plus, I will admit, philosophy is fun. It’s fun to contemplate the meaning of life, the existence of God, whether or not living things have free will, so on and so fourth. But, I just think that some people take it way too seriously and way too far, which doesn’t seem to lead anywhere good. 

What I mean by that is, fairly often, people who base their whole lives on proving or disproving a philosophical argument (or arguments), end up harming themselves in many ways. Nietzche had a very dark philosophy, and subsequently (and maybe even consequently) lived and died very depressed and mentally unstable. In modern times, Jordan Peterson (who is a psychologist by training but is more-or-less a philosopher at this point) subscribed to the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" philosophy so much, that he's basically killing himself with it. And, many, many, many people, including myself, find it much easier (and much more convincing) to use philosophy to advocate for giving up rather than pressing on. 

I mean... isn't that kind of what determinism is saying? If someone dies as a result of suicide, determinism would say that person was predetermined to die the way they did, when they did. Even if they'd gotten the help and support they needed, and did everything in their power to overcome their suicidality, determinism would argue that it wouldn't have mattered one bit. That person was gonna die by suicide regardless of if they got help or stayed home and self-isolated all day. 

Scarily enough, at this point in my class (which, I know hasn't been that long. I'm three weeks into an eight week Philosophy 101 course), it seems like determinism is the "more correct" answer than free will, because determinism is so... scientifically-based, for lack of a better term. Yet, I still reject it (by it, I mean hard determinism. I'm not yet sure about soft determinism, or any of the other determinisms out there), not because of science, but because of my own anecdotal evidence from living a life that has defied the known laws of nature, time and time and time again. 

And, in a way, by rejecting determinism, I almost feel like I'm rejecting philosophy as a whole... at least, philosophy as it's often presented these days (especially online philosophy, where social media's basically turned everyone into the most insufferable doomer nihilists the world has ever seen, which I think has something to do with our mental health crisis. And is also why I decided to delete social media a long time ago). 

More and more people, especially my age, think that we are all screwed. And, to an extent, I agree with them. I always like to complain and rant about the state of the country (and the world); how our politicians are corrupt, nature is dying, weather is becoming more and more extreme and destructive, Denver drivers are getting increasingly worse (somehow), on and on.

At the same time, I don't despair and give up like so many people do. Why? Because, I believe in miracles, and as pissed off at God as I am, I still believe in Him and pray for His guidance. I also believe in my own strength and ability to endure and survive the impossible, and figure out viable solutions to insanely difficult problems. I believe that, no matter how bad things get, there will always be something I can do to make things a little better, even if it's something as simple as taking two minutes to practice progressive muscle relaxation during a stressful situation. 

I hope I'm making sense...