On those rough red rocks, I began to reflect on all that had gotten me to where I now was (as I often do), specifically trying to find out why I was so afraid of public speaking. Or just publicity in general. 

Well... it wasn't just fear that got to me. Generally speaking, I just never liked much attention. Growing up, my go-to motto was "too much love" with my extroverted family members. That, and "leave me alone" was another favorite saying of mine. I never said those things out of malice. I just wanted my introverted boundaries to be known and respected. 

The fear didn't kick in until the family issues and bullying reared their ugly heads. Being as sickly and small as I was, I was basically defenseless. So, I just kind of... froze. Or, I tried to get away. On rare occasions, I would try to stand up for myself, but few people took my shrill voice or small stature very seriously. 

Of course, these days, things are much different.  Drastically different. 

Still, those past emotions from when I was a sick and helpless little girl remain. I may be a strong, healthy, independent adult today, but I've yet to really deal with much of my childhood trauma, resulting in me being petrified of others.