Note: I’d much. much, much, much rather write a Harry-Potter sized book series on a pink fairy princess than anything like this piece. But as an American, a gun owner, a hunter, a daughter and big sister, with friends and close family who are teachers, parents to young children, current and former military and law enforcement personnel, and overall brave souls who would seriously die to protect a stranger. I feel obligated to write about the current state of my country. And, yes, I get a little graphic and pissy to prove a point.
I am not shy when it comes to these things. I know many people are, but I am not. So, if you're not like me and can't handle a lot of heavy and graphic descriptions of what happened in Uvalde, as well as what has happened elsewhere, then I suggest you do not continue.
Also, the details in this piece are subject to change depending on what the ongoing investigation into this tragedy finds. The resources I've been using have been standard news sources, as well as youtubers such as H3H3 and Mercado Media. Two resources I find to be honest and reputable.
Finally, I began writing this piece at midnight, so this piece might get a little extra "spicy", because I'm really tired, my heart throbs, I can't stop thinking about what if this happened to me, or my friends, or my own damn family, and I may even be a little drunk...
I don’t even know how to properly start this piece. I don’t even think there is a “right” way to start a piece talking about yet another mass school shooting, which took the lives of nineteen fourth graders and two teachers, and injured many more, some mortally. I will not give many details on the sick psychopath who carried out this act of terrorism, other than that he was an 18-year-old kid, who literally had a history of violent and threatening behavior, who was known to have significant mental health issues that remained unaddressed and untreated despite his behavior, who bragged on social media about the carnage he’d carry out once he turned 18 and could get his grubby paws on a firearm, who tried to get his older sister to buy him a gun before his 18th birthday, who bragged about shooting his grandmother in the face with his newly (and legally) purchased AR-15 before and after doing so, who was pursued by police officers before abandoning his truck in a ditch, shooting at the two pursuing officers, and entering the elementary school to carry out a sickening atrocity.
And, for almost an hour, this kid was allowed to carry out his sick fantasy, while the cops outside of the school drew their tasers and pepper spray on parents who were literally on their hands and knees, begging the police to go inside and save their children. And, when the cops refused to do their fucking jobs, many of the parents, some of them armed to the teeth themselves, attempted to storm the school. And, what did the cops do then? They detained several of the parents and prevented anyone from breaching the crime scene tape they had set up while the shooting had just begun, all while close to 300 shots rang out from the school over the course of 40-60 minutes.
The rampage wasn’t put to an end until an off-duty border patrol agent went into the school himself, where he was shot by the sick psychopath. Even then, the off-duty border patrol agent was able to shoot and kill him. Only then, did the police force finally waltz into the school to start identifying victims. But, the police were so "under-prepared" (despite the fact that 40% of Uvalde's town budget went towards beefing up their police force), that they grabbed another teacher to unlock the classroom door for them.
And, because the shooter was inside of that classroom for so damn long, completely unchallenged, he disfigured nearly everyone in there beyond recognition. Detectives had to use DNA testing equipment to identify the nineteen children and two teachers that were mercilessly massacred in that classroom, all while the cops did nothing except apprehend and brandish their tasers and pepper spray at desperate parents. Parents that were more that fucking willing to save their kids, but couldn’t, because the boys in blue handcuffed, tazed, and disarmed them. All while their children were being slaughtered by a literal demon for an hour!
There are no words to describe just how vile and depraved this whole situation is. And, it’s somehow only getting worse as more information gets out to the public.
Infuriatingly, though not surprisingly, I don’t see much (if anything) being done in the coming weeks and months to prevent another tragedy like this from happening again. The democrats in power are completely fucking spineless, and the conservatives in power are only making it easier for sick fucks to commit mass terrorism.
On the surface, I get that it feels completely hopeless. It feels like we don’t have the power to change anything. It feels like we’re being held hostage by fifty senators and governors who couldn’t care less about what occurred in Uvalde late last week, or what happened in Irvine early last week, or what happened in Buffalo a couple weeks back, the fucking list goes on!
But, do you have any idea how the people in office get there in the first place? They don’t magically materialize into Washington DC. They don't crawl out of the depths of Hell to rule over our nation (even though they often fucking act like one of Satan's minions). They’re put there by voters. They’re put there by people just like you and me, oftentimes by paper-thin margins. In many places, those senators win by merely three hundred votes, or even less than that. Three hundred people is all it often takes to put some people in DC. So, I no longer buy the idea that individual votes don’t mean shit. Because, in many elections that, while smaller, are still incredibly important, your ballot could be the one that makes a random person one of the most powerful people in the entire world!
Think about that for a minute, and remember that a lot of seats are up for grabs this coming November. Get your ass out there and vote, rain, shine, wind, and/or snow. I will be voting in every election I can from now on.
So, while it’s true that, at this rate, nothing will be done in the wake of these mass tragedies that continue to happen again, and again, and again, and again, and fucking again, we can still change things. And, any small change in the right direction is a good one. Even the most miniscule changes build up into tremendous ones.
With that said, I think it’s important to go back to what happened in Uvalde.
A lot is still unknown and unclear, and everything about this horrific shit is subject to change. But, what is clear is that the Uvalde shooter bought his firearms legally. Prior to his 18th birthday, he spent a lot of time on social media drooling over firearms and making thinly veiled threats about what he was gonna do the second he bought a gun. His peers and even his older sister described him as a "potential school shooter". He even tried to get his older sister to purchase a gun for him (which, by the way, is a felony called a straw-purchase, even among close family), but she outright refused.
The second he turned 18, he bought his first firearm (an AR), and bragged about it to his friends on social media. Soon after, he told a friend via social media, that he was going to do something to his grandma. He didn't reply back with details until his grandma was already shot. Then, he got into his grandma's pickup truck, but soon crashed it into a ditch near the elementary school, because he didn't have a driver's license and didn't know how to drive. By then, his grandma (who survived her injuries), managed to crawl to her neighbor's house and call 9-1-1. While she was airlifted to a hospital, the police began to track down this sick-fuck, and even made some contact with him before he managed to get into the school via an open side door (which a teacher had propped open to let in some fresh air). Even before this kid got to the school, he sent out some more social media messages bragging about how he was armed and heading to a school.
And well... The rest is fucking history.
In a sane country, this kid would’ve been disqualified from owning a firearm the second he made his first threat. In a sane country, this kid would’ve had to successfully complete a gun safety course and obtained a license to even legally touch a gun. In a sane country, this kid would’ve had to get psychologically evaluated by a licensed psychologist/psychiatrist, and then gotten them to sign a sheet of paper saying he’s sane enough to obtain a firearm. In a sane world, this mass atrocity, among many, many others, would not have happened.
This mass shooting was not an "unthinkable" or "isolated" incident. At least, not anymore. My favorite podcast, the H3H3 podcast, has spent the last few episodes discussing this shooting, as well as other relevant topics. On the podcast, the host, Ethan, calculated that roughly 5.5 "random" and "unthinkable" mass shootings happen every month in this country. Since the beginning of the pandemic, mass shootings in this country have increased by over 100%, and it seems like those numbers will just continue to rise. These shootings are almost never done without warning. So many of these mass shooters have been open about everything that they were up to, and everything that they were going to do. But, for whatever reason, they weren't taken seriously until after another mass shooting has taken place.
These fucking incidents are not "unthinkable" or "unimaginable" anymore. Anyone with two braincells to rub together would fucking get that by now. Prior to Columbine (which, I live really close to and know people who were there in 1999), mass shootings were shocking and unthinkable. But now? Now, these horrific shootings are about as 'Merican as Apple Pie, Whitetail Deer Hunting, and Football!
In a sane country, we would have passed laws years ago in an attempt to curb this violence. In a sane country, we wouldn't have weekly mass shootings. We wouldn't be talking about how teachers should be armed (which, I don't think they should for a plethora of reasons), and schools should be turned into windowless concrete bunkers, with metal detectors and armed guards. We wouldn't be fighting over which guns to ban for the millionth fucking time.
In a sane country, this stuff would truly be "unimaginable". Even to me, the paragraphs above belong in a shitty Young Adult dystopian sci-fi novel. Not as serious discourse in real fucking life.
Sadly, we don’t live in a sane country. Never have. Never fucking will. But, that isn’t an excuse to be apathetic. We can accept the facts that we live in a world forever full of death and carnage, and there will always be evil humans in our midst, and still work to make the world a safer place. Especially since no other country (besides those that are literal war zones), has ever experienced mass shooting after mass shooting like the “Greatest Country on the face of the Earth” has.
And yet, we continue to do nothing.
Even if nothing else changes, at the very least, we, as a country, can close the well-known “private seller loophole”. At the very least, we can make mental health care cheaper and more accessible to those who need it, and build up our infrastructure to house and take care of our citizens on the streets. And, we can get this basic shit done if we do things like vote and write our senators and public representatives. We don’t even need to leave our bedrooms to send an email or leave a voicemail for our elected officials. And voting in-person, while it’s a true pain in the ass, is worth the effort.
But, as it currently stands, absolutely nothing will change for the better, unless we get off our lazy, apathetic asses and vote like our lives depend on it. Because, frankly, they fucking do! It's not just guns I'm talking about here. It's about mental and physical healthcare, too, because our mental and physical health systems honestly fucking suck for most people, and are only getting shittier over time. I consider myself blessed to have access to the healthcare that I have, though I only have access to it because I have a mile-long list of major, diagnosed health issues that qualify me to have access to that healthcare. But, unless people have multiple and severe physical and/or mental health issues that have been proven to be disabling and terminal, it is exceedingly difficult for them to get adequate physical and mental healthcare.
And, if you just walk down a few blocks in downtown Denver (or any city downtown for that matter), you will see what a failing healthcare system does to people.
I absolutely despise politics. The vast majority of politicians and potential candidates I see on the ballot make my skin crawl just looking at them. I mean, so many of our elected officials don’t even look human, let alone act human. But, there’s always a lesser of two incredible evils. There’s always a shiner turd. There's always a zombie with more sense and empathy within their withered soul than the other zombie.
As much as I can’t stand Joe “Earthworm Spine” Biden, he’s still less evil and destructive than Trump. However, I long for the day that we no longer vote based on who we think is the lesser evil. I’m not sure we can ever get there, but it’s better to try our damnedest to elect politicians and vote for policies that will make our country better, than just roll over like a scared dog and accept mass shootings, lack of healthcare, and lack of social programs to help the sick and needy as facts of living.
We live in the richest, most powerful, most prosperous nation the world has ever seen, for fuck's sake! I do not believe, for even a fraction of a millisecond, that we lack the resources to fix and prevent weekly mass shootings, our worsening homelessness issue, our worsening mental health crisis, or anything like that. We have the power and resources to make this country live up to the name, "The Greatest Country in the Known Universe"!
Of course, things will never be perfect. Even if, by some miracle, we make this country actually look and feel like the most prosperous nation in the world, we'd still have our problems. But I think I should be able to go to the fucking grocery store without plotting out an escape plan in case another psycho with a gun decides to mercilessly end the lives of people just trying to buy a goddamn steak for dinner.
I think my little brother and his friends should’ve been able to enjoy their last day of school, instead of staying at home riddled with anxiety because, just the day before, a cloven-hooved demon with a gun he shouldn’t have been able to legally own, decimated an entire classroom of teachers and fourth-graders for an hour, while police remained outside and arrested parents attempting to rescue their children.
I think I should be able to walk around downtown and not have to spend the majority of it walking by homeless people who clearly need professional help. I can give what little I have to help those in need, but the fast food meals I've given these people don't even begin to solve the issue.
I think I should be able to go to my college classes without having to seriously think about what I'd do in the event another loony with a gun decides to target my campus that day (because, in this country, that's a very real threat). I should've been able to go through K-12 without ever having to worry about a bad guy with a gun coming in and slaughtering everyone, while the good guys with guns stay outside like cowards. Yet, for every fire drill and tornado warning I've dealt with at school, I've endured at least three actual lockdowns (and even more active shooter drills). It got to the point that I felt completely calm and level-headed during those lockdowns, armed with a fucking chair, but I still go into panic-mode the second I hear the tornado sirens activate.
There is something extra fucked-up about that: I shouldn't be more afraid of a tornado than an active shooter. In Colorado, tornadoes should be much more likely than mass shootings. But, I know that, given where I live, I am much more likely to get shot by a total wackjob while I'm getting several rotisserie chickens at my local Costco, than get caught up in a tornado on the plains in the springtime.
For the record, I've never been confronted with an active shooter (and I pray to God I never will). But, I have jumped into action to protect my dog from another dog, and I've dealt with nutjobs that couldn't be trusted with a butterknife, and I've heard gunshots ring out in a couple neighborhoods I used to live in. Unlike so many "good guys with guns" who, time and time again, have done nothing but waited outside for the sound of gunfire to stop echoing throughout the school, I've shown actual bravery and action when it was needed the most.
My little old man dog, Hunter, is alive because I wrestled my mom's ex's wolfdog off of him, while she clamped down on my hand thinking it was his neck. When I was volunteering at a horse rescue, and the owner of the rescue was nearly trampled by a terrified, cornered rescue horse, I was the one who used a pitchfork to scare off the horse so the rescue owner had time to get to safety. More humorously, when a seagull at Seaworld attacked my grandma Debbie for her hotdog, ten-year-old me rushed over to the chaos, grabbed the empty hotdog bun, and fastballed it at the bird, all while everyone (including my family) just stared in shocked amazement.
In all three of these scenarios, and plenty more, I have proven to myself and others that I'm 1000 times more badass and brave than the Gravy Seals who enabled the slaughter and mutilation of nineteen fourth-graders, and two young teachers.
Yet, in the wake of all this carnage and destruction, absolutely fucking nothing will be done to make this country a better place to live. No "good guy with a gun" will run into a school full of children to rescue them from someone who, if we lived in a sane nation, couldn't even legally look at a gun. No politician will risk their power and stocks to make a change that'll save and improve millions of lives. I hope Congress proves me wrong, but it probably fucking won’t!
Since last night, I have slept on this issue and woken up a little more clear-minded. Ok, I'm still pissed off and have less than zero faith in our government to do anything useful in the wake of one (preventable) mass tragedy after another, but I think I'm okay enough to talk more on the issue of politics. More specifically, guns and law enforcement.
It's undeniable that AR-style weapons are the guns of choice for most of these crazed mass-shooters. While it's true that ARs are semi-automatic and easy to shoot, so are many, many non-AR style guns. 9MM handguns are oftentimes more accurate, easier to shoot, and easier to conceal than AR-style rifles. What I really think draws these psychos to ARs is the fact that ARs look "cooler" than other guns. It really has very little to do with how an AR operates, vs how "cool" and "tactical" ARs look.
But, with that said, I would be absolutely stunned if any sort of legislation is passed that bans AR-style rifles, considering how popular they are among the general population. Last I checked, twenty-million AR-15s have been sold to American citizens. Just AR-15s. That doesn't take into account the many other AR-style rifles that aren't just AR-15s that have been sold in the USA. Plus, each time a mass shooting like this occurs, gun sales, especially for "assault" weapons, skyrocket. And, the market doesn't calm down until the issue of banning AR-style weapons is dropped.
Personally, I'm not opposed to banning AR-style weapons. While many hunters prefer them over hunting-style rifles, I don't. I prefer my Ruger .243 bolt-action over an AR-style rifle of the same caliber. My Ruger's more accurate and easy for me to shoot than any AR I've shot. But, I don't think focusing our attention on banning AR-style weapons is a very productive thing to do, considering just how popular AR's are, and how overly-protective people are of them. Personally, I wish we could ban AR's, or at the very least, require AR buyers and owners to obtain a special firearm license to possess them, but in our current political climate, I don't see that happening anytime soon. Even with tremendous public support.
Instead, we should set our focus on doing things that even the most AR-loving gun owners can get behind, such as Universal Background Checks that cover one's mental health, and Gun Safety requirements such as having an adequate gun safe and/or chamber lock. From there, we can start to discuss more drastic and controversial measures to protect people and their gun rights.
Another one of those "controversial" measures is requiring prospective gun owners to obtain a gun-safety license and/or hunter's safety license before being able to legally possess a firearm of any kind. Hunting, in most states, is a constitutionally protected right, as is fishing. Free speech is also a constitutionally protected right. Yet, for all three of these things (and many, many others), you are required to obtain licenses and permits to legally exercise your right to hunt, fish, and protest on public property. Why is it suddenly an infringement to require first-time gun owners to take a basic safety course before being legally allowed to obtain and operate a firearm?
Well, it isn't. Plain and simple.
Nothing in the constitution is obsolete. One can't shout, "Fire!" in a crowded building if there is none, despite having the right to free speech. Why? Because it could easily cause an unnecessary and deadly stampede. You can't recreate outdoors on public land without obtaining the necessary permits to do so, despite the fact that public land access is a protected right. There are also rules of conduct when it comes to protesting or recreating on public land. There are also rules when it comes to using firearms, but many gun owners are unaware of these rules because they never get any proper firearm safety education. Hell, in the 1980s, Raegan banned the possession of fully-automatic weapons for citizens without a class 3 firearms license. Even the second amendment, as it is often interpreted by SCOTUS, doesn't guarantee one's right to own any kind of weapon they want.
With that said, given how weak and spineless half of our government is (and how unhinged and batshit crazy the other half seems to be), I doubt even the tiniest, most basic mental health or gun law will make it through, despite the fact that the vast majority of Americans want accessible healthcare for all and Universal Background Checks for guns. Why? Well, our government is fundamentally broken. I don't have all (or really any) of the answers as to how to fix our broken government and country, beyond voting and contacting our representatives. Our country has never been so divided. At least, not since the 1850s.
It's really disturbing, honestly, to think and feel so hopeless and frustrated by my own damn country; a place that I love and cherish. So many people in Congress, including the president himself, keep chanting, "we must do something!"
Well, where are they now? Last I checked, Congress just left for a two week paid vacation. When they come back, I don't believe a damn thing will be done. As for Biden, at the very least, he could go through the motions of signing a handful of executive orders, even if they all end up getting slapped down by the courts. That would, at least, show where he stands.
Our last president, Trump, did just that. He was signing executive orders left and right, not really caring if they went anywhere or not. Trump, as shitty of a president he was, at least was very loud and vocal about what his ultimate goals were. Hell, Trump was successful at signing the Bumpstock ban into law shortly after the Vegas shooting.
Trump cared more about firearm safety than Biden seems to care. Fucking Trump, of all people, was one of the few presidents in history who was able to get Congress to federally ban bumpstocks.
Now, it's Biden's turn to pick up his pen and, at the very least, go through the motions of signing an executive order requiring Universal Background Checks for all gun purchases and transfers. But, he's really just a senile old man with the spine of an earthworm. So, of course, he won't do shit either, despite being the most powerful person in the fucking world right now.
On top of that, Biden has spent the majority of his time licking the boots of the police officers who were too cowardly to go into the school building to save lives. The cops did nothing but enable the shooter to annihilate more children and teachers. The cops focused most of their energy on subduing parents, some of them armed, who were trying to break past police barricades and save their children. These cops were in fucking military gear. In the videos that have since surfaced, Meal Team Six can clearly be seen holding tasers to the backs of handcuffed parents, as shots continuously rang out from the school. The shooting didn't stop until an off-duty border guard finally broke past the police and executed the shooter himself, but not before the shooter also shot him.
And, before anyone says something stupid like, "Well, they were just following protocol" or "They needed backup", neither of that stuff is actually true. After Columbine, the rules were, in fact, changed so that, on paper, officers had to neutralize the threat as soon as possible. The Uvalde cops had all of the resources they needed to stop the shooter. They had all sorts of tactical gear on. They had bulletproof armor, fully-automatic weapons, a battering ram, and about a hundred parents who were willing to charge into the school with them. But, no. The cowards did nothing but arrest, taze, and pepper-spray the parents who were doing everything they could to breach the police line and charge into the school.
And, in a recent press conference by the Uvalde police department, the cops and their chief were fucking raked over the coals by press and other enraged adults. While, in a way, it was satisfying to watch the police chief make an absolute fool of himself and his department, it was much more devastating and enraging. The police chief, even at one point, had the gull to declare, "If I thought an apology would help, then I would apologize."
Excuse me, what the fuck! If you make a mistake, big or small, you should apologize no matter what. That is literally the tiniest, most miniscule thing the Uvalde police chief could have done for our people. But, this absolute clown didn't apologize. He instead, stood at his podium making excuses for his cowardly department, all while ending every excuse with, "This isn't an excuse."
Also, I have a lot of friends and family who were/are in the military. They're some of the bravest, kindest, most patient and calculated souls I know. Some of them have been in firefights with terrorists in the Middle East, and have actually saved children and parents from those same terrorists. They wouldn't have hesitated for a millisecond before entering the school and taking out the shooter, without hurting any teachers or students. What the Uvalde cops did, armed and armored to the teeth, wasn't out of anything other than pure cowardice.
No wonder everyone, both on the far left and far right, and everywhere in between, is fucking seething at the cowards who pretty much enabled the deaths of nineteen children and two teachers.
So, with all due respect, Biden, those cops were not brave. Those cops did not save any lives. Those cops did not rescue children or teachers from a madman. They got dressed up in their military surplus gear, just to stand outside and prevent parents from getting into the school. And, at the end of the shooter's 40-60 minute rampage, nineteen children and two teachers were slaughtered. Many more were injured and had their hearts and souls shattered. Even now, the death toll continues to rise, as more and more victims succumb to their wounds in the hospital, and more and more loved ones of the slain die of broken hearts (as is the case for the husband of one of the teachers who was killed).
I don't get how we have gotten to this point. Like millions of other Americans, I am simply appalled by the actions and inactions of so many people in power. Especially those in office who seriously have the power to actually write laws and put them in use. But instead, they choose to do nothing. Or at least, choose to do nothing good.
I'm sure people much smarter, wiser, and more educated than me can come up with a million legitimate reasons as to why our country is so fucked up at the moment, as well as solutions to those issues. But, as a twenty-one year old American woman (who is also disabled), I have no answers or solutions. Hell, like most Americans, I simply lack the time, energy, and resources to do more than send a couple emails to my representatives and vote when elections are on. I can't pause my whole life to go protest on the streets, or meet my representatives in-person, or attend public meetings with our politicians. Most people can't do that. Most people can't change much of anything going on in this country.
But, you know who can? Our politicians, who literally get paid six or seven figures to write and debate policies and laws. Who are put into power by our ballots. But, where are they now?
Everyone in our government is pulling a Ted Cruz and going on vacation while our nation is in crisis. We aren't just being screwed over by weekly mass shootings. I'd like to see Congress never take another vacation again until the issues of homelessness, healthcare, wages, infrastructure, climate change, and, of course, gun violence, are taken care of, at least somewhat. I don't want to see my local representatives get paid to sip margaritas on a private beach in Mexico, until every pothole is smoothed over, gas prices are reasonable, people on the streets are given the healthcare and support they so desperately need, teachers and professors are paid what they are worth, the list goes on.
But, of course, our politicians don't fucking care. I don't know if they ever have or ever will.
