While my negative emotions remain, I've begun to feel better since that Thursday class knowing that I wasn't alone in what I was thinking or feeling. I wasn't just going crazy. I wasn't just being a judgmental prick. There was genuinely something off that my sixth sense was picking up. Still, I know better than to say anything or act as coldly towards some of my peers as they seem to be towards me. After all, I have morals (shocking, I know), and I don't want to ostracize people even if they ostracize me. Their behavior may be very weird, but I know (at least logically) that it's probably nothing personal. Some people are just like that. 

None of what I just said invalidates my rant or my emotions. Indeed, my frustration with my college class is very much understandable. But, if I'm gonna succeed this year without burning out, I must figure out a way to mitigate those feelings and emotions I have about college, and my negative feelings and emotions in general. Damn those pesky feelings!

Thankfully, it seems like my anxiety medication is finally beginning to work after being adjusted. I'm starting to calm back down to my baseline. I'm still a nervous, short-tempered creature, but not nearly as much as I was just a week ago. I'm sleeping decently again. I'm starting to eat full meals again. My brain fog is beginning to lift. I'm even becoming less irritated by the people I encounter on a daily basis. The Valley, once again, is my daily escape from society. Things seem to be improving, even if only slightly. Even the slightest improvements make big impacts in the long run. 

These last several months or so have been extremely difficult on my mental and physical health, and I'm far from out-of-the-woods. I still feel down and under the weather. I've lost ten pounds from not eating much over the last several months. I'm still generally sleepy and disheveled. But, at least I'm eating more than one meal per day, and my sleep schedule is beginning to form. I've started to work on my hobbies again (roughly fifteen minutes a day). I'm catching myself smiling and laughing at the simplest things again. Best of all, I'm garnering up the emotional strength to write for my memoir again, after barely touching it for over a year. Maybe, by the end of the semester, I'll be mostly back to my old self again. At least, that's what I hope.

Another thing that's probably improving my mood, are my plans my dad and I are coming up with together. This year, we want to pay a visit to Moab, Utah either with his Jeep or my Xterra. More importantly, we want to return to the farm again, this time by vehicle. Unfortunately, I missed out on cleaning the house and uncovering a century's worth in family stuff. But, I will get to take part in sorting through the stuff they stored in one of the outbuildings, and loading our things into (and onto) either my Xterra or my dad's Hyundai Santa Fe. I may also get to help with restoring parts of the farmhouse that can be restored, like the floorboards or the chipping paint on the house outside. 

Adventures like these are what motivate me in life. Sure, hiking around the valley daily is nice. But, it does get old after awhile, and some days there are just too many strangers around to really enjoy the serenity of nature. However, I've only been to Moab once, and I would love to go again and spend more time out-of-doors and exploring places few have explored before. And, everyone knows how much I love my family farm (and family, of course). If we go at the right time, I may have another calf story to share. Or, maybe I'll be able to witness my family burn the absolutely massive pile of trash that has been in the cow-yard over the last twenty years or so. Or, perhaps even both. 

Whatever the near future has for me in store, I'm excited to escape Denver for a week or two weeks at a time. I still feel trapped, but not so trapped now that I'm figuring out how to get the hell out of town as soon as the semester ends (or, during spring break). In the meantime, I just have to figure out how to cope with my current feelings. That'll be the most challenging part of the next twelve weeks or so.