But, below my frustration lies deeply-rooted anxiety. Like I said, there's just an awful feeling in my gut that something's not right. Or rather, some of the people I'm interacting with aren't safe and/or trustworthy. There's just something up that I can't quite put a finger on. I wish my intuition would just tell me what the damn issue is, rather than vaguely alluding to it. 

Whenever I look at someone, even on a Zoom call or through text, and my hackles just instinctively raise up, I pay attention. That doesn't happen all that often. I'm able to recognize when it's just my anxiety making me weary of others, and when I'm recognizing that something is just plain wrong with someone. I hope I'm making sense. 

When I'm anxious over nothing, my body reacts physically by triggering my flight-fight-freeze response, and I find myself thinking over and over, "What am I doing? What am I getting myself into? What made me think I can do this?". When there's a real, tangible threat, such as an approaching thunderstorm while I'm out-of-doors, I will instantly sprint to the nearest safe shelter to ride it out (and I get really, really nervous if I can't find a decent shelter). But, when there's something not quite right that I just can't pin-point, I will go on the defense and investigate the possible threat further, watching for any signs or clues of the potential danger. 

That's what I'm currently feeling regarding some of the students in my Literature class. Red flags are popping up left and right. I just don't know why, yet. 

I sincerely hope I'm wrong, and seeing people in-person will dispel all of my negative impressions about them. But, more often than not, when I get this terrible, terrible feeling about someone or something, there really is something to guard myself against. This intuition of mine has saved my ass on numerous occasions, protecting me from predators and literal psychopaths, and others who simply wish to take advantage of my gentleness and generosity.

I'm not saying the people in my class who give me bad vibes are psychopaths or predators. Far from it. Just based on my feelings, and the fact that my group-mates aren't doing their work, I'm thinking they're hoping I'll gladly carry 'em through the course. Y'know, take advantage of my work ethic and eagerness to help. Well, I've said it once and I'll say it a million times more: Neither myself nor the professor will allow that. And, if my group-mates get pissed off, so be it. That's on them. 

In the meantime, I refuse to stop trying my best just because other people may try to take advantage of that. I will continue to focus on my work and my work alone, at least in college. After all, I believe I'm starting to learn another new lesson from life: how to become a better advocate for myself and set proper boundaries with others, even if I come off as rude or hostile. It's better to be an asshole sometimes than get taken advantage of.