Content warning, this poem is about domestic abuse. 

How To… 

 

Sometimes I find myself in dark places. 

Scary places

Where no one wants to turn on the lights or use their real name. 

 

Places which flash across my computer screen

With pixilated names like…

5 Reasons to Date a Woman with an Eating Disorder

Like…

Why Tattooed Girls are Broken

Like… 

How to Beat your Girlfriend or Wife and Get Away with It. 

Women, Forgive me for Repeating those Titles

And Forgive me For stealing one. 

 

How to Beat your Wife or Girlfriend and Get away with It. 

 

One, tell her no one will ever take her after you’re done with her

Remind her that her flower is her most valuable asset. 

When you first have sex with her, tell her it belongs to you now, 

And she can’t ever get it back. 

 

Two, don’t ever let her pay for dinner. 

Tell her her money is no good here, that you can take care of it

That you’ll take care of her. 

Remind her that her career will probably end when she has children, 

Remind her that even if she doesn’t want to have children 

You’ll always be paid better. 

Make sure she thinks her job will never matter. 

 

Three, complement only her body and never her mind. 

Make sure she knows you value her figure. 

Buy the heels she’d never get for herself. 

Make sure they’re just a little too tight, 

and tell her how much you love it when she wears them. 

Buy her Lingerie for her birthday, 

One size too small

 

Four, Remember, you don’t have to raise a hand to beat her

You don’t have to lift a finger

But once you’ve already destroyed her, 

She’ll accept the bruises

 

Stop, Rewind. 

H ow to beat your girlfriend/ wife and get away with it. 

 

One: tell her how much you love the sight of her

Always make time for her interests 

Tell her she’s beautiful first thing in the morning, 

as soon as you see her

Tell her you how lucky you are. 

 

Two: Listen when she talks about work and her coworkers

Hold her when she’s frustrated

Remind her why she loves her work

Help her to never stop moving forward. 

Accept the gifts she buys for you, 

Let her take you on a date instead

 

Three: Share her passions. 

Challenge her, listen to her.
Read her favorite book, 

Take her to see her favorite band. 

Fall in love with her personality

And tell her. 

 

Four: Love Her. 

The moment you change her

Defeat her

Hurt her

You’ve already lost this game you’re playing. 

Lost something precious. 

 

How to Beat your Girlfriend/Wife and get away with it.

 

You can’t.