9 a.m. Burger King, McDonalds, Arby’s, family. My family and I had lunch with my great grandma everyday. Her name is Arlene, and she was my best friend. She was such an amazing person. I loved going to Burger King and smelling the potato crowns once I step out of the car.  Going to breakfast with my family is always very exciting. 

 “Maggie! What do you want?” yelled my grandma. 

          “Crowns! That’s all” I said happily. 

           We sit at the same table with the mailman that we like to talk to. Great grandma had a dress on. It was blue with flowers at the top. She looks so happy when she’s with April and I. She has different earrings everyday, and I want to be just like her when I grow up. As we sit there munching down the delicious food, the conversations begin.  All people hear are different parts of the conversations in the group…

            “How’s school going Kyle?” my grandpa asks. 

             “Mom, I’m still hungry,” begs Ian. 

             “Not now Ian,” his mom says. 

             “I will be right back. I have to pee,” my great grandma yells. 

            After that everyone breaks out laughing. Arlene makes everyone laugh to the point of almost peeing themselves. 

            My grandma Becky is my rock. We always go shopping, and last week we went to  Joann’s to look for yarn. I am an 80’s workout girl. Becky is making me my own leg warmers. She knits and quilts so many things. We got Teal yarn that she let me pick out. I spend the night at her house almost every week. She lets me call her at 3 am when I am down or need to talk. 

              Whenever I get a new piercing. I get nervous to see her; she always gives me this blank stare that tells me she doesn’t approve. Even though she doesn’t approve she shrugs it off her shoulder because at the end of the day she knows I’m still the same person.

              I am so lucky to have an amazing grandma that always listens and cares so much. She has short brown wavy hair that she always says it doesn’t have enough volume. She is a quiet person but she LOVES to gossip about anyone that walks by. 

               One time we were at The Gap and she told me to look to my right. When I did, I just saw a chunkier girl that was wearing short shorts and a crop top. 

“Don’t turn out like that. Ok?” my grandma whispers into my ear. 

“Ok…” I say quietly. While trying to hold back my laugh.

             The whole family knew and understood what was about to happen. We had to prepare ourselves. She wasn’t getting any better. I got checked up on almost everyday by at least one of my aunts. I love them and they help me through everything. 

             I remember when we were dropping my great grandma off at her house; we discovered she had left the oven on… She wasn’t making anything; nonetheless, it was still on. Arlene kept forgetting certain things, so we took her to the doctor. 

             That’s where we found out she was sick. Not physically sick… mentally. The doctor diagnosed her with Alzheimer’s. Sitting in the waiting room with my aunt was very nerve-racking. When my grandma and great grandma walked out, tears rolled down my grandma’s face. Something was wrong. 

          “How’d it go?” my aunt asked hesitantly. 

          “She has Alzheimer’s,” my grandma said quietly. I didn’t know what that meant at the time, but I could feel a pit starting to form in my stomach. Then they dropped me off at home. 

 Later that night at 1:23 a.m. I am laying in my bed, thinking. I pick up my phone and go to safari. “All one needs to know about Alzheimer’s” I look up. I was reading for hours before my eyes faded shut. I had a lot to decide. 

             My great grandma had so many doctor appointments we were there once or twice a week and I still didn’t know what it truly was. 

             “What month is it?” the doctor says, sounding concerned. 

             “Um…” she says looking blank faced. 

             She was forgetting all her basic information she would always know. She just sat there and acted like she didn’t understand what the doctors were saying. 

             After my great grandma got put in the home I couldn’t believe it. I don’t want to go see her in that home. I can’t see her sitting in that chair with a bunch of other old people staring at a blank, turned off TV. 

              “Welcome!” a lady said meeting us at the door. 

              “Hi,” my grandma said quietly and a bit shaken up. 

             We spent hours looking at homes. Not just regular homes. Nursing homes were not a sight to see. Catherine's house… the one we settled with. She seemed ok with it but all she ever did was stare off into space. She was there for four years. Four years she sat there watching black and white films barely talking to anyone. She forgot who I was and I lost it. I felt like a plastic bag getting thrown away. The last few months we stayed with her everyday and some nights too. She wasn’t herself, she wasn’t anything, but a body. One week everyone knew what was happening. There was a dark cloud over the whole family. My grandma stayed with her every night. We were there and I didn’t think anything was going to happen so I asked if we could go get food. My aunt and grandma stayed with her. While April, Maggie, and my mom went to get food. Then we got a call… 

            On January 27th, she was in a memory care home for the end of her life… Everyone loved her. I loved her more than most. She was my best friend. I lost my best friend that day, but she wouldn’t want me to talk about the end. My great grandma was a very happy and kind hearted person. She would do anything for anyone. Even though she had alzheimer's she was happy until the end. I remember seeing her laying on her deathbed, no emotion on her face. I had to stay strong for my grandma. She was falling apart. April and I would go to the teal old school bathroom and cry and collect ourselves. So we could go back and support the adults. I wanted to cry. All you could smell. The only sounds you could hear are sniffling and people catching their breaths. 

            “April, I can’t do this anymore. It’s too hard to be strong for everyone else. I know we have to be strong but I don’t know what to do or say anymore.” 

           “Maggie. Everything is going to be ok.” She says as she brings me into her arms for a hug. The next day, I didn't know how to be happy after she passed. I still don’t know for sure. It feels like a part of my heart died with her. I miss her but she would want me to be happy but I can’t figure out how to be anymore. 

            February 4th, I didn’t get up and go to school that day. Even though it’s supposed to be the best day of the year for me. My birthday; this was no ordinary birthday. I got in the car and we headed to the funeral. My grandma thought it would be good for me to have my great grandma buried on my birthday. Heading to the cemetery, I kept getting birthday texts from people. I looked out the window and white flakes were drizzling down. 

            February 5th, time to go back to school. I hated it. I couldn’t think straight… things had changed. 

             I am different now. I am always putting on a fake smile. Whenever I pass people in the hall, I slightly smile. After I pass them. My face goes blank. At night, I lay in my bed looking straight up at the ceiling. My brain is like a busy street. Things pop up, stay for a little, and then they go away. I can never stop thinking about my emotions. I will just lay there for hours thinking about why no one cares, or why I don’t open up to people. I come to a conclusion as I sit up. My legs dangling off my bed. The thought process always takes me to the same solution every time. 

             I pick up my phone and all I see are messages flooding in. 

“Are you ok?”

“Maggie”

“Hello?????”

             I open them but never respond anymore. There’s no real point in trying to get close with someone if you know they are going to be gone sooner or later. 

             A year passes by and I start to be myself again. I know she is looking down on me and saying,

             “ You better live happily” 

             She would want me to live my best life for her and myself. 

I have figured out who my true and real friends are through all of this. Chloe and April have been with me since elementary school and I am so glad they are still here. I don’t think I would be the same if they weren’t here in my life. 

               After a while I discovered that I should be happy and that I shouldn’t blame myself for not being there to say goodbye. I finally visited her grave… It might have taken a long time for me to get the courage to go but I am so happy I did. It finally gave me closure. I can be myself and not have that weight on my shoulders. When I look up; in my brain I see a cloud with sunshine. No more dark clouds. I go and visit her a lot and sometimes I’ll sit there and talk with her for hours about how my life is going. Even though she already knows everything because she watches over my every move.