Since shaking hands with Governor Jared Polis after watching him sign the bipartisan “Right to Try” bill, I’ve been in a state of shock… for lack of better words. I just haven’t been myself.
When I went on a hike with Eric the day after my bill was signed into law, I didn’t touch my camera once. Hell, I was barely present that morning. Don’t get me wrong: I enjoyed the hike, and I enjoyed being in the presence of one of my closest friends and mentor. But damn… for much of that hike, my brain was just filled with what I can only describe as white noise. My thoughts were spinning a million miles an hour, but I cannot recall a single one I had.
Well… that’s not entirely true. At one point in our adventure, Eric tripped and fell, which gave me an “oh shit!” moment. But it wasn’t a bad fall, and Eric was able to get back onto his feet on his own (though, I did grab onto his arm just in case he needed my help). Once I realized that he was okay, my mind filled right back up with that white noise. And it has been that way ever since.
When I woke up Monday morning, I had no idea what the day had in store for me. The night before, I’d listed out a few “to-do’s” that included things like “organize and fold socks”, and “do laundry”. Y’know, very normal, boring things. But, then my mom asked me if I got “the email from the governor…”, and my plans for the day were entirely derailed.
Now that it’s over, I still can’t believe what actually happened. I can’t believe that the governor requested me, by name, to be present while he signed the “Right to Try” bill into law. I don’t understand why I, of all people, was asked to stand right behind the governor as he signed a bipartisan bill that passed the House and Senate with unanimous support.
Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever know the answer to that question.
Taking it further, I’ve spent my time since Monday relentlessly asking God, “Why me, Lord? Why me?”
So far, I’ve gotten no answer. At least, no answer that has satisfied me.
Still, it’s an extremely important question to ask. After all, I’ve been through so damn much. Scientifically speaking, I shouldn’t be alive today. Not even the best doctors I know can explain to me how or why I’m still here. Yet, I am here, and I got here partly because I did some… unconventional… things to stay alive. So, that leads me to turn to the only One who can answer that question for me: God Himself.
Again, however, He hasn’t given me any answers, except for one that I really don’t like. Why? Because it terrifies me beyond words.
Since shaking hands with the governor, I’ve felt a tugging at my soul to use my voice to do more good things. If a half-assed letter scribbled on the back of a Shutterfly postcard can get a bill signed into law, what else can my words do?
Except, that’s the last thing I ever want to do, again. I want nothing more than to live a quiet, low-key, normal life. In fact, I’ve always wanted that. But, that kind of life’s not exactly in the cards for me. As much as I wish I could deny it, I can’t deny the fact that I’ve lived an extraordinary life, simply because of the way I was born. People celebrate me and call me brave for simply living my life; simply doing what it takes to stay alive.
I don’t like to get praise from random people for… well… simply living my life, because I just want to be a normal person and live a normal life, but I can’t deny that I’ve lived one hell of a life. Now that I’ve met with some of Colorado’s most powerful lawmakers, all because I wrote a brief synopsis about how I beat a stubborn Pseudomonas infection, I really can’t deny it. And, again, that absolutely terrifies me.
So, what do I do about this fear as I face the reality that I will never be able to lead a normal, average life?
Well… I turn to God and pray.
One of my favorite hymns is the one titled, “Just a Little Talk with Jesus”. It was originally written in 1937 by Cleavant Derricks, and has since been re-recorded by numerous artists and orchestras. I first heard it sang by Willie Nelson from my grandpa Lyle’s stereo when I was a very little girl, and it’s stuck with me ever since.
Nowadays, whenever I find myself feeling stressed or freaked out, I think of that song and take its advice:
“Now, let us have a little talk with Jesus
Let us tell Him all about our troubles.
He will hear our faintest cry
And He will answer by and by.
When you feel a little prayer wheel turnin’
And you know a little fire is burnin’,
You’ll find that a little talk with Jesus makes it right.”
Unfortunately, I don’t always like what God has to say, especially lately. As important as prayer is to me, sometimes, God answers in ways that I can’t stand. As I said before, I feel that God has been really urging me to use my voice and my influence for good, which goes completely against my quiet, private nature.
However, there are problems in this country that I simply cannot ignore, and that have been weighing down on my heart for years. Literally years. Now, it’s reached a boiling point, especially since I’m a university student majoring in STEM, at a very contentious time in our country’s history.
On the surface, it seems like the United States is living in a cold civil war. The chasm between the left and right seems to be growing every day. On TV and social media, our politicians act like cats with their tails tied together. The media makes money by titling their videos and articles the most insane shit they can come up with, because that’s what generates the most money for them. They stretch the truth, at best. At worst, they make shit up.
But, behind the scenes, our politicians are friends with each other. On May 19th, 2025, governor Jared Polis, a staunch democrat, signed a bill sponsored by the House Minority leader, Rose Pugliese, a republican, which was funded by a conservative think tank called the Goldwater Institute. I stood directly behind him and watched as his pen scribbled a signature, making my little bill into a state law.
Prior to the bill’s signing, democrat and republican senators and representatives sheltered together from the rain under a gazebo in some random neighborhood park, where they made small-talk, exchanged handshakes and hugs, and discussed policy among each other with ear-to-ear grins. Hell, they even tried to invite me into their conversations a few times, but I just stayed silent and listened, like a deer in the headlights.
It reminded me of a video that surfaced from Jimmy Carter’s funeral, of the presidents making their way in. At the start, Trump and Obama are seen talking to each other, exchanging handshakes and friendly words. Then George W. Bush comes in and playfully whacks Barack Obama on the chest as he sits next to him in the pews. After that, Trump and Obama continue their conversation, laughing with each other while hymns are sang by the choir.
Perhaps, we are not as hopelessly divided as so many people-particularly those online and in the media- claim we are.
Well… the government certainly isn’t nearly as divided as other people would have us believe. I doubt people in the real world are all that divided either.
But, for some stupid reason (curiosity kills the cat), I decided to scroll the comments sections of the Youtube channels wherein my bill was covered, as well as Facebook and X where republicans announced that the “Right to Try” bill had passed. And, while it was entertaining to read the comments, I couldn’t help but think of when George Carlin so eloquently said, “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of ‘em are stupider than that!”
Long story short, people were mad simply because governor Jared Polis, a democrat, had to sign the bill to make it into a law. Therefore, everyone else in the picture must’ve also been evil, far-left, demon-rats, too. To hell with the facts!
Also, there were quite a few bot comments posted just to stir the pot. Sadly, lots of people were taking the bait (assuming they weren’t bots themselves).
Meanwhile, things weren’t any better in the comments section of the posts made by democrats. Instead of accusing us of being demon-rats, comments were calling Polis a traitor for “standing with the republicans”, and accusing all of us standing behind Polis of being fascist, Trump-loving, sycophants. Also, there were quite a few comments that were borderline inciting violence. Do with that what you will.
For the record, none of those comments got to me on a personal level. I was very clear with everyone involved in the media to keep me out of it: keep me anonymous. It was okay (and inevitable) that my face would be plastered everywhere, but I didn’t (and don’t) want my name floating around on the internet for random idiots to look up and do God-knows-what with it (there are a lot of crazies in the world). Plus, even though I appeared in photos and videos, I wasn’t dressed like I typically dress (aside from the paint-stained windbreaker I was wearing), which means people probably won’t recognize me on the street.
Instead, what bothered me was the ignorance and overall bad behavior displayed in the comments sections from both sides of the political spectrum. Those tribalistic comments speak to the very thing that has been bothering me for years.
People in those comments didn’t care about the facts. They didn’t know who anyone was in those pictures aside from the governor. They didn’t read any articles, watch any news coverage, or even bother to research the bill itself. They simply saw a bill being signed into law by the “enemy”, or a couple “enemy” senators standing behind a law being signed into law by a “traitor”, and ran with those assumptions in the comments.
It wasn’t shocking at all, but damn… it was hard to witness.
In other words, the government isn’t what scares me. Maybe it should, but it doesn’t. Why? Because, this whole experience taught me exactly how the government works- even in the age of Donald Trump. The sensational headlines, the exaggerated articles, the Twitter beefs- all of that shit is political theater. It’s not real; it’s not really reflective of what’s actually going on.
There’s a reason why everything from CNN to Fox News are referred to as “infotainment”.
Real news, even with Trump as president, is incredibly boring to most people. In fact, that’s the reason why I find it so easy to limit myself to fifteen minutes per day on my local news site. It’s boring, facts-only, non-alarmist news that is not connected to my search history in any way, shape, or form. But, if I scroll down from Google’s front page on my phone, it’s incredibly easy to lose an hour of my day lapping up sensationalist headlines- and not even reading the articles- covering events going on all over the world that are chosen for me by an algorithm that knows what I like.
Again, I’m not afraid of the government, as much as I detest it, even though many people would say I should be afraid of the government. Instead, I’m deeply terrified of what the Internet has done to us. Because, nowadays, while the Internet itself isn’t real life, it can drive people to say, do, and believe crazy shit that can (and does) impact real life.