Surprisingly (to me), I passed my second Calculus exam with a 72%, uncurved.

Evidently, a lot of people in my class didn’t pass the exam, which surprises me because I’m surrounded by math majors in that class. How some of them didn’t pass yet I did, definitely says I’m doing something right. What that is exactly, I’m not sure. 

My study habits aren’t perfect, and my algebra/trigonometry foundations (especially my trigonometry foundation) have quite a few holes in them. Yet, I’m still passing Calculus with better grades than I got in Precalculus, so far. Which, is just kind of baffling. 

I know it’s good that I’m passing Calculus. The more passing grades I get, the less likely I am to have to retake Calculus in university, which is my ultimate goal. I do not care what grades I get so long as I can crack a 70% in the class overall. As of now, I’m holding a 78% in the class; I’m 2% away from getting a B. 

As for my Biology class, it got significantly easier last week when my professor announced that, on top of making lab reports individual projects, she would only grade students based on the work they did for the group presentation project. In other words, I only have to worry about my three slides, because that’s where my grade will come from. It no longer matters if anyone else in my presentation group gets their shit done. So long as I get my shit done, and present my research on my own three slides relatively well to the class, then I’ll get a decent grade. My grade no longer relies on whether or not my peers get their work done. 

Damn, does that feel good!

Of course, I’m still nervous about my presentation because… well… public speaking is scary to me (as are a lot of things). But, I know how to push through that fear and get my presentation over with. 

Honestly, I’m just glad that my grades no longer rely on unreliable people. 

That said, I’m still gonna have to work with those same people for the next eight weeks, which is something I’m seriously dreading. However, guess what: difficult people exist everywhere. No matter where I go or what I do, I’ll inevitably have to deal with extremely difficult people. So, I might as well figure out how to deal with them now when the stakes are low, before I get into an actual career where my actions may very well impact other people outside of my career, for better or worse. 

So, how do I deal with difficult people without running myself into the ground?

Well, I think my therapist said it best: “Maya, you need to stop giving a damn about what your lab partners are doing, and just focus on what you are doing.”

Simple, right? Sure. However, just because it’s solid, simple advice, doesn’t mean it’s easy for me to implement. 

In fact, there’s a lot of solid, simple “life hacks” out there that, while simple, are far from easy. 

Caring less about what other people are doing is easy for me to do when their actions aren’t impacting me in any real way. I don’t care about what people in my classes are doing on their phones, so long as they’re quiet and not talking over the professor about things that have nothing to do with the lecture. I do, however, start to care when I’m trying to listen to the prof lecture about Minima and Maxima in Calculus, and the students directly behind me are yapping about their goddamned Pokemon collection. 

During my Biology labs, I don’t care if my lab partners discuss celebrity gossip while I’m setting up the lab equipment for us. I do, however, care when I’m trying to get one of them to record data while I’m running the experiment, and they’re still gossiping about P. Diddy. 

In those situations, how do I care less about what my peers are up to?

Well, again, it’s simple: advocate for myself (AKA tell people to shut up), or simply focus on what I can do to make things better for me. And then just get on with life as though nothing happened. 

Simple. Yet so fucking difficult. 

Why is is so hard?

The answer to that question definitely lies somewhere within myself (as usual), which is good news, because it means that I can fix the problem without anyone else doing anything to fix the issue.

But, do I need to delve into my psyche to figure out the solution to my problem of worrying about what my classmates are doing? No. 

That then leads me to ask (and answer) the question, “How do I stop thinking about what other people are up to?”

Well, last week, I had many opportunities to practice doing just that, with mixed results.

Thing is, as much as I love to bully myself and downplay my achievements, because I pay attention in class and study almost daily for the whole semester, my peers think I’m one of the “smart ones”. 

Naturally, that means that people in my classes want to pair up with me for group projects, hoping that I’ll carry their slack. On top of that, I’ve noticed that people will sit closer to me in class to be able to get answers/clarification from me during lecture (y’know, when I’m trying to listen to the prof and scribble down notes). And, as the semester goes on, those people start asking me more and more questions. 

This semester, particularly in Biology, this phenomenon has been much more apparent to me, mostly because I’m tired and my tolerance for bullshit is at a record low. It’s just not low enough to motivate me to stand up for myself and tell my peers to leave me alone (at least, not yet). However, for the sake of my wellbeing (and my grades), I really do need to grow a backbone and tell my peers (especially those sitting next to me) to put their phones away during lectures and ask the professor to clarify information. After all, it’s not my job to be the professor. It’s my job to be the student and learn the shit the prof’s already figured out, without being interrupted every five minutes when the person sitting next to me finally puts their goddamned phone away. 

Of course, as simple as it is to turn to one of my peers and tell them, upfront, that I won’t be giving away any answers from here on out, it’s not easy at all, especially since I’m very, very drama/conflict-averse. Also, I was raised by people who, for much of my life, taught me that it was better to fawn over people than to tell them the truth, even if telling them the truth was the right thing to do. 

I mean… My mom used to punish me for not accepting her boyfriends when she brought them home (one at a time, of course, but still). We’ve since gone to therapy together and made peace with how she initially taught me to handle conflict (if you consider fawning over shitty boyfriends a good way to handle/avoid conflict). But, the damage remains. Just, instead of fawning over legitimately dangerous people, I just fawn over the annoying ones in hopes that they’ll go away. 

Thing is, so long as I give people what they want (in this case, up-to-date information about Biology to my peers who have a severe addiction to social media), they won’t leave me alone. 

To be continued...