Note: At least this semester isn’t focused on public speaking or Harry Potter. 

It’s already week three of this semester, and holy shit, is it hard! 

Well… the math isn’t hard, perse. Rather, it’s the system that the college is using that is hard. That system being a very finicky (and very badly coded) thing called DeltaMath (DM for short), which everyone hates. Especially me. 

For most math problems (of almost any type), there can be multiple correct answers for the same problem. For example, 4/2 can also be written as 2/1, or 8/4, or 2, or 2.0, etc. essentially to infinity. However, DM doesn’t think so. Worse, it doesn’t usually tell me what exactly it wants from me (it’s not multiple-choice either). So, since the very beginning of the semester, DM has been telling me I’m wrong even though most of my solutions to the problems are correct. They are just correct in a way that DM doesn’t like. 

Sounds a bit familiar, doesn't it?

Thankfully, my college algebra professor agrees that DM is stupid, and I’m not. Apparently, this is the first semester my college is instituting this shitty program. This course wasn’t created by my prof. It was created by the state community college board (whatever that’s called), and my college was forced to institute it for stupid politics reasons (or something of the sort. You get the gist). 

Last week, my professor went on a little mini rant about it saying, “This [college algebra] course was created by someone who has never taught any sort-a math in their lives… don’t feel bad if you fail, because the people who created this course have no idea what it entails.” 

His quote impacted me so much that I actually wrote it down in my notes for that day, just as a way to comfort myself. Because, goddamn, I feel like I’m being forced to face my inner demons head-on at Mach 10. Only this time, it’s not the teacher giving me a hard time. It’s the algorithm that was created by someone with the same mentality as my 8th grade math teacher, which is giving me a hard time. 

Aside from crying about it in therapy, then ranting to my mom about it, I called my dad much like I did when I was panicking about last semester’s public speaking course. Dad was very understanding and shared my frustration about the DM system being dumb. Then, towards the end of our conversation, he reassured me that, so long as I tried my best and learned at least a few things, then I ought to consider this semester a win, even if I fail. 

“After all…” he began, “You can always retake the class next semester and turn that F into a C or above… however, if you just stick to this course now, you may not need to retake it next semester. There’s a good chance you’ll be one of the few who pass this course… Let me be frank: you’re probably the smartest, most hardworking student in the class. So, don’t let failure hang over your head too much. Just do your best, and everything else will work out. Most people fail a college course at some point or another. It just is what it is."

“You promise I won’t die?” I facetiously asked. 

“This course will not kill you…” Dad laughed, “Just don’t do anything stupid- like pulling an all-nighter before a test the next day- and you’ll live to tell the tale.”

“Alright.” I sighed, “Shall we meet up this weekend?”

“I’m going skiing.” Dad replied, “Why don’t we meet up for an early dinner Monday, unless you want to go skiing?”

"Uhhh... no."

"Oh, c'mon!" Dad laughed, "Don't you wanna give the bunny hill another shot?"

"No." 

"Why not?"

"Cuz I can't ski for shit." I smirked. 

"Oh, alright..." Dad conceded, "How 'bout I call ya after class on Monday and we can figure out where to eat."

“Works for me!” 

“Alrighty! Don’t forget to take your damn chill pills!” Dad sang before we said our goodbyes. 

“Evidently, they’re not working.” I mumbled to myself as the phone hung up. 

So... my first DeltaMath quiz went... well... it actually went a little better than expected. Okay, I still ate shit. I got a 56% on it. Upon closer inspection, however, I actually only failed two questions out of twelve. The others were marked wrong based on minor technicalities, such as how I rounded a decimal, or whether or not I simplified a fraction (DM hates it when you simplify a fraction for some reason). And, for some stupid reason, if I didn't get a question 100% right according to DM's standards, I got it 100% wrong, even though my ultimate answers to all but two of the questions were correct. 

My professor warned us about this, saying he'd come in and look over our quizzes after the due date to properly score them. But, damn, those big red X's along with a shitty red box explaining why DM marked me wrong (even when I got the solution correct) is demoralizing, to say the least. I know I can do the math, and my solutions to the problems are not wrong. I have the stacks of color-coded papers to prove it. I just can't figure out how DeltaMath works, much like how I couldn't figure out how to do math the "right" way in K-12. Hell, not even the prof can figure out DeltaMath, and he's been teaching this shit for half as long as I've been alive!

But, what can I do about it? Nothing, really, aside from try my best and just stick with it. Worst case scenario, I fail college algebra this semester. However, I figure if I don't have at least a C by the time April comes around, then I plan on withdrawing from the course and continuing my math studies at home and online through things like Khan Academy and Youtube, so I can come back in the fall with a lot more confidence in my skills. Even so, I'm doing my best to take everyone's advice and consider this course a win, no matter the grade I get. 

On the bright side, quiz attempt number two went quite a bit better (I got a 70% without a curve, all while Toby was wreaking havoc in the house). I've spent basically all weekend trying to crack DM's code, and it's paying off. But, I'm still grumpy about the X's that shouldn't be X's, all due to DM's technicalities. Oh well... the prof promised he'd go through and grade everything himself to ensure that we got graded strictly for our correct answers, which means I probably got an 80 or 90% on both quiz attempts. 

Still, this ridiculousness with the system has me in an irritable mood, as I evidently can do the math. I just don't naturally do it the way DM wants me to do it. And, that pisses me off. 

Thankfully, at the end of today's class, I finally garnered the courage to approach the professor, and came home to find that I'd passed my quiz with an 80%. Sure, I'm a little shaky math-wise (for instance, I totally forgot how to factor, but I'm rapidly figuring it out as well as brushing up on my other foundational math skills), but 80% is a B, so I can't complain too much.

At least I feel like I'm actually learning something useful, and overcoming my fear of math in the process, rather than spend the semester analyzing Harry Potter...