BACKGROUND: I'm currently working in an adult detention center. I have some very strong feelings about how we deal with crime here right now and how people get treated in the justice system. These are just my thoughts and feelings that I've had as I go about my days here. It's turning into something bigger than I ever thought it would be... I started doing this just so I could sleep at night... to get the thoughts and feelings out on paper helps me to turn my brain of and sleep. If this never leaves this group, that's okay, I'll use this as a tool to improve my writing. If it goes further than this that could be great too, but I'd have to go about it very carefully. Anyway, I'd love your feedback, I work odd hours and probably won't be able to join in on the meetings, but feel free to email me (Eric can give you my email). If you have questions about my job, I'd be happy to answer them as well. And if you have a suggestion for a title for this one, I'd love to hear it.

     I give a little piece of myself to the people that live in that cold, concrete building, and sometimes I think some of the do the same for me. Like the girl who is so excited to hear about wedding planning updates when I have them. She tells me she thinks I’ll be the most beautiful bride there ever was. She finally left the other week, she should be going to a treatment center next month, and I hope she continues to do well. She wants to be a writer, and I hope she follows that dream.

                This job isn’t easy, and I can see it in the faces of my peers, and I can hear it in their voices. Some of them tell me, outright, that I can’t and shouldn’t have faith in these people, that they will use, abuse, and let everyone down until their last breath, even me. They tell me I can’t help these people, and I shouldn’t even bother trying. They tell me I shouldn’t lose sleep over any of this, and I don’t think I do, but I do think about the people that live in that building even after I leave it behind. Others say this to me with their eyes. They are the ones who started out just like me, bright eyed and ready to change or save the world… but here’s the thing: I know I can’t change or save the world, but if I can make a positive impact on a few people’s lives as they pass through this place, even if they come back, then I have done my job.

                So many of these people have been given up on, betrayed, hurt, or forgotten that they are shocked when someone, especially a stranger (wearing a badge), shows them genuine human kindness and understanding, they don’t know how to react, especially the men. I regularly think of the young men that come to me and tell me their stories, and when I show an interest and reassure them that their feelings are valid, they become misty eyed and thank me before returning to their peers. The older men are less likely to share anything with me, let alone their feelings about their situation, but those who do seem grateful when I tell them that I’m sorry that it feels like they can’t escape this place and that I hope things improve when they leave. I’m certain that some of these people will disappoint me, especially those who come back again and again, but why should that stop me from encouraging them to get back out there and try again? Why shouldn’t I be their personal cheerleader while they’re here, especially when nobody else will be?

My parents always referred to the proverb, “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” I truly believe that many of these people need some to encourage them to, “try, try again”. Realistically, most of the people that come and go from this place struggle with addiction, and they come back after a few weeks, a few months, or a year because they relapsed. Our society tells them their relapse is bad, that they didn’t try hard enough, and that they deserve to be punished because of this. Really, they are struggling with a mental health disorder, and would be better off receiving lifelong guidance. Many of them really do try, but it can be difficult for the single parent who is working three jobs to support their family, or the person who has other undiagnosed mental health disorders who just wants to feel okay.

Our society struggles to understand this disorder in the same way it struggles to understand other mental health disorders such as schizophrenia, OCD, depression, anxiety and so many others. As a result, the people who struggle to maintain “normal lives” because of these disorders cycle through this cold, concrete building again, and again. Our society would rather pay to continue to cycle these people through (wash, rinse, repeat) the system than pay for the help they so desperately need and will need for the rest of their lives in order to live a life that our society views as “normal”. Addiction isn’t going to go away once they get a taste of the sober life, and the other disorders don’t dissolve away with medication. These people are a part of our society, they are humans, and they should be treated as such.