There seems to be a lot of overlap between my undergrad social life and my graduate social life... Not that I really have a social life. But in any case, it feels dramatic to me. 

A little more than a year ago, my boyfriend of nearly five years and I ended our relationship. It's been a long year since then of trying to get to know myself and learn how to be single. I could tell you now that I have failed at both. I read somewhere that it takes about 17 months for someone to get over an ex, I'm a little more than halfway through that time, and it's been rough. There are some things I wish I could take back, but that's how we learn, right? Immediately after our breakup, I got into what would become an abusive relationship. I hate writing that down, but that's exactly what it was. The person I rebounded with constantly told me how dumb I am... was? He didn't get along with my friends, didn't understand why I had so many of them, and tried to keep me away from them. Whenever I tried to end things with him, he always found a way to manipulate me into taking it back. In January, with LOTS of support from my friends, I was able to cut him off. A couple months later, I was the rebound for someone else. When things ended with him, my whole world came crumbling down, and I found myself sobbing on the floor of my living room in front of my best friends. I hadn't processed anything about my five-year relationship or the abusive relationship until then, and it hit me like a bus. I've gone on dates since then, but can't seem to find the right person. I've tried getting to know myself, but it's harder than I thought. I know exactly what I want to do in life, I'm a confident student and employee, but I'm uncomfortable with my feelings. I also think about my ex every single day, the one I dated for five years, and I keep wondering if there will ever be a day that I don't think of him. Time seems to move so slowly when I think about it, but it moves so quickly when I am preoccupied with something else. I hope that I will be able to get to know myself a little better in the coming months and that I become more confident and comfortable with myself. I have some doubts that 17 months is long enough to move on from a five-year relationship, but I guess I'll have to wait and see what happens.